(Eng.) Stupid Anxiety – 7 [Agony]

 

Author: Ssihobitt

Category: Chapter, Married Life, Fluff, A slice of Life

Main Cast: Han Sera & Cho Kyuhyun

 

Kyuhyun is waiting patiently outside the operating room, he’s pulling the last string before he’d given up to their possibility to carry on with their baby. He contacted his mother earlier this day and asked a huge favor from her to watch over Sera at home while Kyuhyun is fighting to find Sera’s donor’s families. The state that his wife’s in right now is almost too heartbreaking for him to watch, tomorrow afternoon she will have to go through the abortion and Kyuhyun can’t be at her side at the moment for moral support since he’s doing his own mission. Sera understood his reason and it’s better this way for her anyway—since she can’t watch Kyuhyun being in more misery than he already is.

The light in the operation room is turn off and doctor Song step out from it, she greets her patient’s family to tell them the operation went well before she recognizes Kyuhyun’s existence in the hallway. She takes off her surgical mask and approaches him.

“I know you’re supposed to watch in the E.R, but can I say that this is also an emergency?” Kyuhyun begs her.

“How is she?” doctor Song obviously can’t ignore the hopeless face that he shows in front of her. She went through all Sera’s battle and she knew how much her old patient has rebounded from her terminal illness and she really thinks Sera and Kyuhyun deserve to live the normal life any couple could dream of. If it’s up to her, doctor Song will throw all of her schedule to help the sweet couple to get a possibility for having a child.

“She’s holding on, tomorrow afternoon is the scheduled abortion time.” Kyuhyun looks down on his feet. “Doctor Song, I will go down on my knees if I have to—I beg you, please come with me to find the donor’s family. I know it won’t be easy and I might get disappointed, but I have to do something doctor. I can’t just sit with her at home waiting for the time when our baby is about to be taken away from us.”

“Is she alone right now?” She’s more worried about how Sera handle this fact if she doesn’t have Kyuhyun by her side.

“My parents are staying with her, I’ll be by her side tomorrow whatever the result is.” He fights the lump that starts to form in his throat. “But please let me fight to the last second, if the donor’s family doesn’t want to help maybe I can convince them, if they moved from the last address that you know then I’ll contact my friends to look for them—I’ll pull all the channels I have doctor—but please let me fight for this, and I can’t do this without you.” Kyuhyun bows down to her while slowly bend his knees to kneel before the doctor.

“Kyuhyun-ssi, please get up.” Doctor Song is taken aback by his desperation.

“Please help us.” He keeps staring down to the floor, “I can’t watch my wife having another mental breakdown over this, doctor Song. I doubt myself that I can handle her since I’m also going to crumble if that happen, so please help my last battle.”

 

*

 

It’s unusual for Sera and Mrs. Cho not to be too chatty when they meet each other, however the depressive ambience in the house way to overwhelming for both of them to deny. Kyuhyun asked for her permission to go find her donor’s family and to be honest, Sera is already doubtful about the result. She’s completely given up and just waiting for the time of her scheduled abortion right now.

Laying on their bed, Sera takes out all of the ultrasound picture she has of their baby and reminisce them one by one. If studied carefully, she can really see how it slowly grows and forming a bigger red bean than it was the first time. She’s already four months pregnant now and she’s aware on how dangerous it really is for her to proceed with abortion and no matter how much she wants to be a mother, she can’t risk her life anymore. Not because she’s afraid of dying, but because she knows how devastated her man will be if she leaves him—that thought alone is enough to help her determined her decision today.

She moves to the arm chair in by the window, trying to move around as much as she can to reduce the tension she feels in her mind. From this side of the room, she can observe the rest of their bedroom and she begins tearing up with the beautiful memories the room hold for her. She’s reminded of the first time she ever stepped her foot in it and how supportive Kyuhyun was to her back then, this room has been the witness of their battle against her sickness, this room also the place where they share their hope and dreams after she recovered, every inches of this place proves evidence of how much his love for her has continuously flows.

She knows that it’s not the end of her world nor the end of their marriage life, but she feels like so, no matter how much Kyuhyun tries to tell her that everything will be okay, she knows that it won’t be okay. Nobody will ever be okay with it and she experienced it first hand before.

No matter how hard she tries to erases the thought of their future broken marriage, Sera still feels her heart clenches every time she imagines how hard it’ll be for her later on. When her first husband slowly became distant to her, she was able to stand up on her own to face her hardship because at the time she felt like she’d be able to fix their relationship after she recovered—which didn’t go as planned. But this time around, Sera wouldn’t just lose her baby and Kyuhyun, she will lose her best friend and will definitely lose her ground. When she left Taecyeon, she knew she could survive to be alone and she let her will to live as her drive. But if she has to lose Kyuhyun, she’s sure she will soon end her life for she’s lost her reason of living.

Tears flows on her beautiful face with the thought of him turning his back away from her, she won’t be able to stand the empty look in his eyes, she won’t be strong enough to face his meltdown and she knows she won’t be able to face him when he begins to acts cold toward her. Not that Kyuhyun will do all those, but she knew better—she’s been through it once and it’s not so hard for her to fall into the bad memories and picture it as her future with Kyuhyun soon enough.

Sera takes her phone and press her number one speed dial, but Kyuhyun’s diverting his calls to the voice mail. Could it be he’s busy looking for a clue to help them with this baby or could it be that he just need some time to be away from her—so he could break down without letting Sera feels even guiltier over it?

She puts down her phone and channel her sadness into the only thing she can talk to at the moment, the baby she carries in her womb. Sera rubs her belly and more tears falls from her face, this will be one of her last chance to have this kind of moment with her baby.

“Aegi-ya, forgive me.” She looks down to her belly and talks, “I won’t be able to meet you, I’m sorry that I can’t let you live the life that you should have. No one’s life should be over before it even begins but today I’m about to do the cruelest thing to you. Don’t ever think that I’m doing it because we hate you, because we’re not. You’re a blessing in our life and you have no idea how much we long to meet you. I bet you will be one that cute little person with a bright brain like you father—I really wish you carry his gene since he’s like a perfect human being in my eyes.”

Sera bites her lips to channel her pain into something more physical as she continues to talk to her belly.

“You will meet my first son in baby heaven, I failed him also back then but that time I didn’t get to say goodbye to him. if you meet him, please tell him what I tell you today, that I never meant to kill him and I regret losing him for the rest of my life. Please let him know that I love him as much as I love you and forgive your mother for lacking in a lot of things.” She sobs again, “Forgive me for being so weak that I can’t even protect both of you.”

Sera takes a look on the clock and wipes the tears from her face, this is the time for her to go to the hospital for her final procedure and as much as she wishes she can stay, Sera can’t create more trouble by postponing her abortion for the second time. She gets out of the room to joins her in-laws that’s waiting for her in the living room with the most intense expressions on their faces. Her father-in-law doesn’t say much, but from the way he’s patting her shoulder, Sera knows that he wants her to stay strong for tonight’s procedure. Her mother-in-law is doing a great job in hiding her emotion away from Sera but the worries in her eyes doesn’t fool anyone.

“We’ll be with you the whole time.” Mr. Cho rounds his arm on her shoulder and gives her an encouraging squeeze.

“And Kyuhyun promised us to be there on time, give him some more time, okay?” Mrs. Cho adds.

Sera’s touched by how perfect her new family is, the more they shower her with their love, the more she feels unworthy of having them around her. She nods and forces a weak smile on her face as her way to appreciate their support. She doesn’t dare to look at them straight in their eyes, she won’t be able to stand a disappointed look or pity in their eyes.

She lets them walk her to the car and she sits quietly on the back while her mind is still wondering about her husband. She needs him more than anything for this dreaded moment, but she can’t say it out loud, she can’t burden him more by being needy over his presence so she swallows her expectation and begins to give some encouraging thoughts to herself.

 

*

She’s checking her phone again, waiting for any news from Kyuhyun. At this point of her day, she doesn’t need a good news anymore, she just wants to talk to her husband. Their baby is about to be taken away within an hour and she needs him to be beside her, to embrace her and calm her down. Sera’s trying so hard to divert her attention away from the procedure itself, she’s buying all kind of magazines in the hospital to have a lot of reading material to pass her time, she plays the game in her phone and she even busies herself by playing some Lego in the pediatric waiting room—which didn’t make her feel any better since she plays with a lot of cute children. The more she tries to distract herself from her fate, the more she gets restless.

When her abortion time only half an hour away, Sera gives up and finally calls her husband, only to find her call is still diverted into voice mail. She understands that he’s actually fighting for their family but she can’t help not having a bad thought about his disappearance since last night. A little part of herself tells her that Kyuhyun is away because he no longer can see what kind of a mess Han Sera has become and he uses that excuse as his way out, whenever this thought arises in her head, Sera would quickly slap herself for having such horrible prejudice over her loving husband and she’d begin to feel guilty for her existence in his world again.

If only Kyuhyun never fell for her, none of this would pain him and he didn’t have to struggle most of his time just for the sake of Sera’s life. She’s sick of continuously being sick, she wants to be a normal healthy person that’s able to do anything she wants and love whoever she wants without feeling guilty.

All she needs right now is some privacy, she needs to be away from her in-laws since she can’t witness the anxiety that takes over Kyuhyun’s parents expression so she excuses herself to the rest room and she pick the disabled restroom to really locks herself in for the privacy she needs. She takes her seat on the closed toilet bowl before she calls him once again and this time she plans to leave a message in his voice mail.

“Kyu, it’s me.” She begins to talk, “I’ll be going under the procedure in about half an hour from now.” She takes a long pause to controls her heavy breathing, Sera is struggling to fight her own emotion.

“I know you tried until the last second, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that this beautiful miracle I carry with me can never be ours. I’ll dedicate my whole life to you if you forgive me for this liability I have—but I’m sorry because this is the only life I’m ever going to be able to provide you with, and I hope it’ll be enough just the two of us.” She sniffs her runny nose that begins to water from her tears, “As you said back then, we can always adopt a dog or two to conquer the loneliness—I guess I’m open to that suggestion now and I want a Beagle by the way.”

Sera is covering her mouth and nose to muffles her sob that begins to get louder. She’s forcing herself to continue talking to his voice mail since she’s trying to delivers whatever weighing her heart before she’s sedated later on.

“Kyuhyun-a, I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me, I never dreamed to have somebody as devoted as you are to me, I never thought I deserved that kind of blessing in my life, but you proved me wrong. Since you returned in my life, it’s been filled with nothing but happiness and I don’t think I’d ever be able to pay all of your kindness back.” Sera takes a deep breath before she gets to the important part of her speech, “My name is about to call out for the abortion and I promise I’ll do my best in there as usual, you don’t have to worry about me. In fact, I worry about you, I’m afraid this will affect you to the point It’ll change us.”

She sniffs her nose for some more.

“I won’t blame you if that happens but please allow me to really apologize to you. And I beg you, if this will make some changes in our life, please pretend to be okay in the first month, ne? This is my last wish to you. Please pretend that it’ll be fine before you turn your back on me, because I don’t think I can live with myself if you walk away from me in instant. Please grant this last wish of mine, and I’m sorry to even dared to ask you this. Be safe in your journey and I’ll see you after my abortion, okay? Wish me luck.”

She presses the red display on her phone then bends her back to cry her heart out. She’s supporting her upper body with her elbows that sits on her laps while she’s covering her face with her palms. As she begins to picture what will happen to her in the next minute, Sera begins to growls to conquer the pain in her heart. She’s about to lose an important thing in her life and for all she knows, she’ll soon lose her husband too. This is her second chance in living happily ever after and she manage to ruin it for the second time for the same reason as the first one.

She’s not fooling anyone when she said she needed to get some fresh air, Mrs. Cho has been following her and now she begins to knock in front of the bathroom door to let Sera know that she’s been there the whole time. It’s painful for her to see what her son and daughter-in-law has to go through, but she has to be their support system while they’re breaking down like this.

“Sera-ya, open the door please. Come on, let me in.” She knocks on the door while restraining herself from crying.

“I need some time oemoni, mianhae.” She replies from the inside. “Please give me some time.”

Mrs. Cho gets another idea, she calls the janitor and asks for the disabled bathroom to be opened from the outside. She’d love to provide Sera with privacy, but this is not the perfect time for that since she’s breaking down into pieces at the moment.

Mrs.Cho manages to get the door opened and the sight of Sera curling herself in agony really squeezes her heart. She comes closer and kneels in front of Sera before she wraps her arms around her daughter-in-law. She continuously rubs Sera’s back to calm her down while both of them are crying their heart out.

“Mianhae oemoni, I can never give you a grandchild.” Sera whispers in between her tears.

“Don’t think about that, Sera-ya. It doesn’t matter, for me to have you as my family is already a blessing, don’t blame yourself over something that’s beyond your power.”

“I’m scared.” She admits, “I’m scared for my baby, I’m scared for him, I’m scared for..”

“You have to be selfish at the moment and just think about your well-being. Kyuhyun will be able to handle this, I assure you he’s one of the strongest person I know so you don’t have to worry about him. He’ll come around, he knows when the schedule is and knowing him my whole life, I know he wouldn’t miss this moment to be with you.” Mrs. Cho holds Sera’s arms and forces her to sit up straight. “We won’t go anywhere; we love you Sera-ya.”

“I failed you—“ She tries to speak but her frantic cries stops her every time she tries to utter more words.

“No you don’t, don’t ever think that way.” Mrs. Cho gets up from the floor and pulls Sera along with her. “Look at me, we will go through this together, we’ll recover together and we’ll continue to live the way we live our life as usual. You have nothing to worry about and don’t be afraid, because we’ll stay beside you no matter how rough this journey will be.”

Sera can’t replies her words because she’s completely touched by their kindness. She pushes herself closer to her mother-in-law and hugs her tightly, she hopes her gesture delivers her gratitude enough.

Minutes later after she calms down, Han Sera lets Mrs. Cho leads her to the waiting room again. The man she’s waiting for hasn’t arrive so Sera has to gulp down her disappointment and continues to stay strong for herself.

As if the atmosphere in the room isn’t tense enough, the nurse now calls out her name to enter the operation room. Although she’s allowed to have one person to be by her side through the whole process, Sera chose to do it alone. She doesn’t want to create a traumatic memory for any of her in-laws and she bravely tells them that it’ll be easier for her to be alone in the room. She bids her goodbye to Kyuhyun’s parents and takes her wobbly steps towards the frosted glass door.

It’s just another operation. She keeps telling to herself.

Sera’s asked to change her white dress into the green surgical dress, the nurse then asks her to sit on the wheel chair so Sera doesn’t have to fight for her steps into the operating chair. Doctor Kang already waits for her in the O.R, he smiles weakly to his patient and tells the nurse to leave Sera on the wheel chair while he plans to talk to her before the surgery.

“Sera-ssi, I’m sorry, we can’t postpone it any longer.” He takes a rolling chair and position his seat in front of her.

Sera nods, she’s too tired to speak.

“I have to explain the procedure to you.” He takes Sera’s file and open it to show to her. “You will be locally sedated so you can’t feel what happens in your abdomen area. Doctor Ahn is responsible as your anesthesia and doctor Lee will be your intern doctor to keep up with your vital while I’m operating on you.” He points to the two doctors that are in the room with them.

Sera nods one more time, wishing this small talk will end soon.

“Since you’re still under twenty weeks, we’ll approach taking your fetus by opening up your cervix instead of doing an actual operation. You won’t feel anything during the procedure and after your nerves returns back to normal, you’ll experience some pain that’s stronger than the monthly period pain—but we’ll give you drug to withstand it. Do you have any question, Sera-ssi?

She takes a deep breath and finally tells her doctor her wish.

“I don’t have question but I do have a wish.”

Doctor Kang raises his eyebrow but lets her continues.

“Can you sedate me all the way, please? If you do it locally, I’d still be able to hear what you’re doing and I honestly I’m in a massive breakdown right now, I’m afraid I’ll lose my sanity if I’m completely conscious when you take out my baby away from me.” Her tears fall on her face one more time. “It’s already hard enough for me, please grant my wish, please sedate me all the way through. Let me sleep peacefully so I don’t have the memory of this replaying in my nightmares for the rest of my life, I’ll deal with my grief once I’m awake latter but before then, please let me sleep peacefully.” She bites her lips and she can taste her blood is seeping from the thin skin on it.

Doctor Kang gets up from his chair and approaches doctor Ahn for procedure confirmation, it doesn’t take long to debate over this since doctor Ahn agrees immediately to her demand.

“Sera-ssi, we granted your wish.” Doctor Kang nods to her, “I’m sorry this is only as far as I can help you with.”

Sera sniffs her nose and smiles bitterly towards her doctor, “Gwenchana, it’s more than enough already. Shall I take my seat in that chair now?” She points to the operating chair specially made for abortive operation.

The nurse helps her to get up and position Sera on the chair, she has to lifts her legs high up in order to dilates her cervix more, therefore doctor Kang can takes her fetus properly. Her anesthesia doctor approaches her with a breathing mask and she kindly asks Sera to begin breathing normally and slowly let the drugs get into her system to knock out all of her senses. Sera has been to a lot of operations in her life to recognize the familiar scent of the drug that begins to affect her, she’s closing her eyes after she slowly whisper her apology for one last time to the baby she carries with her and the last thing she remembers is doctor Ahn asking her to count down from thirty.

 

*

 

The only thing she can feel with her senses is how cold the room she’s in now, she believes that she’s actually shivers in between her sleep. Next thing that comes to her senses are the white noise creates in the environment, this is the first time she wakes up from an anesthesia without hearing a heart monitor beeping next to her. Her muscles begin to regains their movement as she slowly begins to mumbles and moves her palm and neck, and soon enough, she’s able to opens her eyes again.

The moment she opens her eyes is the moment of her melt down. It’s done. Her abortion is done and now she’s in a recovery room. Her tears quickly gather in her eyes as soon as the thought crosses her mind. Her baby is gone and now she’s left alone again. Her sobbing takes the attention of her intern doctor, he gets up from his watching station and quickly observes her vital before he calls doctor Kang.

Han Sera cannot form a whole sentence yet as the after effect of the drug but if she’s can speak properly, she’d send everyone in the room away from her, she would love to kick anyone that tries to stand close to her gurney since she’s currently consumes with her anger—towards her fate and toward herself. But she’s in a weak state and she had to deals with her own emotion internally.

Doctor Kang approaches her with a flat expression in his face, but what makes Sera wants to explode is the man that follows behind him—Kyuhyun.

This is not his first time to check for her in the recovery room, but this is the moment when she wishes he’d just disappear. She hasn’t been able to deal with her wrath over herself, she hasn’t really got a time to deal with her grief, and the last thing she needs is her husband to be next to her—only to make her self-loathe even stronger than it already is. Sera’s not ready to see him, she can’t face him, she can’t tell him that their baby is taken away from them, and she can’t look at him in the eyes at the moment.

“Han Sera-ssi, something happened during the operation and I think your husband should be the person that informs you that.” Doctor Kang bows to both of them after he confirms her vital.

“Thank you, doctor.” Kyuhyun bows to him back.

Sera’s heart sink when she hears his voice. He sounds so tired and soar when he talks, she’s sure Kyuhyun has done everything he could to help her and the result was beyond their power.

Kyuhyun takes a rolling chair next to her bed and sits on it, he’s taking her freezing hands and rubs his own hands around hers to warm her. Sera takes her gaze away from him, still not having enough courage to look at him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry that I’m late for your procedure.” He begins to talk.

Another tears falls from the corner of her eyes while she still hasn’t able to replies. There’re too much apology in her heart that she can’t even pick which one she should begin with.

“I was late but I wasn’t entirely late.” He sniffs his watery nose and use the upper arm part of his green ICU dress to wipe his tears. “I can’t believe it, if I was a minute late to broke into your operation room, I believe we’d be losing our baby forever. It was so close; it still gives me goosebumps.”

Sera doesn’t really understand his words but she can only hear the part when he said ‘losing our baby forever’ and she lets the agony takes over. Sera begins to cry hard while she’s still avoiding his gaze, how could she looks at him after what she lost.

Kyuhyun gets up from his seat to comes even closer to see his wife. He softly takes her weepy face to turns to his direction while he wipes the tears that’s flowing from her swollen eyes. “Sera-ya, why are you crying?”

She bites her lips in pain, she can’t say it out loud, she can’t say she’s sorry for losing their baby.

“Sera, look at me. Please look at me, let’s calm ourselves down. I know it’s too much to comprehend but please calm down.” He’s cupping her face and forces her to make eye contact with him.

She needs another couple of minutes to finally be able to controls her breathing, when she does, Sera finally braces herself to stare into her man and the sight is too hurtful for her to bear. The dark pockets under his eyes are back, she can look through him no matter how much Kyuhyun tries to cover up his sadness, he seems too tired and his appearance are beyond messy.

“Are you paying attention now?” He tries his second effort to talk to her.

Sera nods slowly while she’s still fighting her emotion.

“Good, because I want you to pay attention to this.” Kyuhyun takes his right hand away from her face and slowly grazing down toward her tummy where he kindly lingers to caress the bump in her belly. “Our baby is still here, Sera-ya, we—“

Kyuhyun can’t continues his words since he’s also caught up in the emotional roller coaster he had to went through today.

Sera’s eyes widen, she thinks she hears it wrong no matter how she really wants it to be right.

Kyuhyun takes his deep breath a few time before he manages to continues, “I found your donor’s family. They’re outside, waiting for you to recover and they gladly helped us with the documents we needed.”

“Ne?” She still not able to talk but managed to whispers that much.

“We’re keeping our baby, Sera-ya.” Another tears fall on his face. “We’re keeping our baby.”

For the first time since she knew about her pregnancy, Han Sera finally feels at ease. She feels like a huge amount of weight is lifts up from her shoulders and she finally able to smile to her husband.

“Jinjja? We can keep our baby?” She whispers to him again.

Kyuhyun nods excitingly before he lands a soft kiss on her forehead, “We’re going to be parents, Sera-ya. There’ll be a mini version of ourselves within five months, we can actually meet our baby five months from now.” He whispers on her ear as he slowly moves his lips from her forehead towards her lips.

She takes the tender brush of his lips on hers, cherishing the moment when both of them are finally able to dream bigger about their life together.

 

*

 

Hours after she’s fully conscious, Sera is taken into a ward where she needs to be observe in the next two days while she’s recovering. Kyuhyun’s parent were staying beside her until she fully conscious and only left after she convinced them that she’s fine. Sera and her in-laws have gone through enough emotional journey today and she begged them to take some rest after they spent the whole day with her—they obeyed her and promised to return tomorrow for her next examination.

She knows how much her new family love her, but now she has another extended family waiting to meet her.

Kyuhyun brought Sera’s donor family along with him, he asked her earlier if it’s okay for her to meet them and whether she’s ready for this. Sera is nervous with the thought but she allows him to bring them in anyway, since it’s the least thing she can do to repay their kindness.

“Sera-ya, this is the Kim family. They helped us again yesterday when they provided doctor Kang with their health related documents.

When her donor’s family enter the room, Kyuhyun welcomes them politely and introduces Sera to the father, the mother and younger brother of her donor. Sera hasn’t really regained all of her strength from being sedated, but she immediately bows deeply to three people in front of her.

Kyuhyun and her donor’s family then begins to explain the summary of their journey today. Later she finds out that her donor died from a car accident and she was only 25 years old when heaven took her away. She also finds out that doctor Song has saved her life one more time when she decided to find another doctor to cover her E.R shift in order to came with Kyuhyun to meet the donor’s family. Lucky for them, the family still stays in their old address and they were welcome about Kyuhyun’s appearance on their door.

They followed him to Seoul on their own account, they insisted that maybe their presence might be important to convince the doctor that’s about to take away their child and they stick around for some more to actually see her.

Sera is still bowing to them, they have no idea how much she’s grateful for what they’ve done to her life. Their grief turned into one of the most blessed night in her life when she got a new heart, if that’s not enough, now she’s asking them to help her again so she can keep her baby. To Sera, most angels don’t come with wings and this family that’s standing in front of her bed confirm that for her.

“I can’t thank you enough.” She’s bowing one more time with emotional tears on her face. “I’m sorry for your lost.”

Mrs. Kim comes closer to Sera, places her hands on both of her shoulder and slowly pushed her to sit straight. She wants to look closely to the person that owns her late daughter’s heart, she needs to reassure herself that her daughter didn’t die in vain since she gave another person another chance to live.

“May I?” She stutters while dealing with her emotional tears, “May hear her heartbeat?”

Sera quickly nods and pulls the mother closer to her and allows her to leans on her left chest. The constant beat tells Mrs. Kim that somehow a part of her daughter still lives in someone else’s body. Mrs. Kim closes her eyes to really listen to Sera’s heartbeat and she recalls the chaos happened in her house very early this morning.

She was just opened her eyes when somebody knocked on her door. Mrs. Kim quickly woke up her husband to check with their front door, only to find two strangers standing with the most hopeless look in their eyes. The woman introduced herself as doctor Song—the doctor that was responsible for their late daughter heart transplant and the man beside her introduced himself as the husband of the recipient.  

The morning quickly turned into an awful way to start their day, as they reminded one more time about the passing of their only daughter in such young age. Mr and Mrs Kim said they didn’t want to deal with anything regarding their late daughter and they closed the door in front of their guests faces.

The man then gets down on his knees while holding the door before it’s fully closed, he was drenched in his own tears and he begged them to at least allow him to explain why they’re here. The tenaciousness that shown through his desperation has lower their guard down and they finally allowed their guests to entered their house.

With frantic cries, the husband of the recipient begun to talk as he repeatedly bows to the point his nose was touching the floor. At first he delivered his gratitude but then he told them about the hardship he and his wife had to endured while they’re trying to have a baby. The man hopelessly begged and begged for an opportunity to make his wife happy by keeping their baby, and all he needed was the hospital records of the donor family.

The Kims were hesitant at first, but they could really see how this man was actually pulling the last string in order to hold on to the life of his baby. They then reminded about the angelic deed their late daughter did for humanity, with that thoughts in their mind, they ignored the sadness that their guests brought to their household and rushed themselves to the hospitals to collect all kind of data needed to safe another life. For all they know, their daughter didn’t die in vain when she donated her organ—and now she didn’t just safe one life, she’s saved another new life that her recipient carries with her.

The reunion quickly turns into an emotional parade as Sera begins to lose her cool and starts sobbing again. She’s always thankful for her second life but now she understands why most doctors forbid a donor recipient to meet with the donor family—it can turn into big guilty feelings no matter how genuine the act was.

“You resembles her in some way.” Mrs. Kim pulls her head away from Sera’s chest and wipes the tears on Sera’s face. “She was so sweet and kind and it delivers from her smile—which you have with you. I’m so glad that you’re the one that accepted her heart.”

“Thank you so much, oemoni. I was given an amazing chance because of your daughter, I’m so sorry for your lost but at the same time, thank you—thank you for giving me a second life.”

Mrs. Kim shakes her head and begins to pats Sera on her shoulder, “My daughter passed away from the instant shock in her brain—the paramedic told me that if somebody went that way, she won’t feel pain since it happened too quickly, so at least she didn’t suffer the night she left us. That night was the worst night of my life and I thought I couldn’t live anymore, no children should go first before their parents, you know?”

Sera’s now patting her shoulder while she’s feeling the sympathy for the mother of her donor.

“But my daughter always had a way to surprise me and one of the way she did it was by admitting herself into the donor program. Only after I listened to her heartbeat in you, I understand that it’s her way to stay alive—so thank you, thank you for doing so well in your life and please embrace her heart to the fullest.”

Sera bows one more time to her Mrs. Kim, no words can really describe how she feels right now.

Their reunion is interrupted by a nurse that comes to her wards to tell them that visiting time is over and that Sera really need to take some rest. The Kims nods along and prepares themselves to bid goodbye to Sera even though they still want to stick around longer to reminisce their late daughter in some way.

“If it’s okay with you, can we visit you again tomorrow once you’re recovered completely? I know you need a lot of rest tonight.” Mr. Kim finally speaks to Sera.

“Sure, I’ll be glad to.” Sera takes her gaze from Mrs. Kim towards her husband. “You’re welcome anytime, Abonim.”

“Thank you, Sera-ssi.”

Kyuhyun politely offers the Kims a ride to the nearest hotel that he’ll provide for them but they refuse his kindness, saying their relatives is waiting for them and they’d stay there instead. Mr. Kim insists Kyuhyun to quickly returns to Sera to be by her side, no husband should leave their wife in this kind of situation and they think Kyuhyun really should make up for the time when he wasn’t by her side earlier today.

When he returns to her room, Han Sera is still busy wiping the tears from her eyes. Kyuhyun approaches her bed and Sera scooch to let him sit next to her. He takes off his shoes and gets onto her bed then quickly wraps his arms around his wife before she begins kissing her on her face repeatedly.

Sera sinks her face on his chest and takes in his scent that always calms her down, everything that happened today went by so fast that she’s too confused of its reality.

“Kyu, we can really keep our baby?” She asks one more time to confirm the news that sounds too good.

“Ng, doctor Song checked their documents in the car while we were on the way from Gangwon and they don’t have any record of terminal illness.”

“How long did you drove to get it? I’m sorry I caused another trouble.”

“Stop apologizing from now on, ne? I don’t wanna hear it.” He kisses the top of her head deeply, “but while we’re in that context, I apologized too. I tried to drive as fast as I could but the traffic in the afternoon was hell. I’m sorry I diverted your call, I needed my full concentration to drive like a lunatic today.”

“It’s okay,” she lifts her head and lands a quick peck on his cheek. “It would be harder for me if you were there anyway.”

He leans his back onto the pillow and takes her with him to lays her head on his chest, “Sera-ya, just because we’re allowed to keep the baby, doesn’t mean we don’t need to be careful.”

“I know.”

“I mean it, Sera-ya.” He pinches her nose softly, “You’re going to be a mother now, you can’t be reckless anymore and you have to start to be responsible for a lot of stuff. You can’t forget to drink you medicine from now on, you must always remember your next doctor appointment, and you must prepare yourself more as the baby gets bigger. When it gets heavier, don’t be too proud to ask for help, my parents and I will always stand by to assist you and when it’s time to deliver the baby, listen to what your doctor says and don’t argue with him.”

Sera nods and smiles, which annoys Kyuhyun in some way—he needs her to take her condition seriously and he needs her to stop playing around. “Don’t smile coyly that way, I’m being serious with my words Sera-ya. You really can’t be reckless anymore!”

“I know, Kyu. But your words make me very happy and I can’t help not to smile.” She lifts her head a little bit to kisses his lips, “I’m going to be a mother, something I thought I’d never be.”

He instantly touched by her words that she delivers in such grace, he smiles to kisses her back and slowly places his hand on top of the bump on her tummy. “And I’m going to be a father, how scary is that?”

 

 

tbc…

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11 thoughts on “(Eng.) Stupid Anxiety – 7 [Agony]

  1. gaemaker says:

    I remember felt frustrated reading the first half of this last time and to added with sera’s surrender, the suspense was no joke then the Kims. the dialogue you wrote for the donor’s family and the couple’s conversation, was genuine as in really emotional. I love kyusera seeing the development in their relationship, then came hardships testing their marriage. This is real stuff. Thank you for writing this couple’s journey. Technically kyusera was my first reading from your stories, kinda special haha. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

    • ssihobitt says:

      this couple is also special for me for a reason i can’t understand. hahaha. i don’t know, i just love Sera the most out of all OC i’ve created so far (Ahreum comes second, then Eungi…) ;p (maybe because she’s playful and vulnerable at the same time)

      Liked by 1 person

      • gaemaker says:

        If I were to rate my fav they will be..😁:
        Seulri (you know why she’s my fav hahah)
        Sera (she almost died HAHA jokes apart, she battled with life and her love life)
        Eungi (smart, independent, wise. something that I dont have much and I admire her personality)
        Ahreum 😋 (haha can’t complain coz in the end she tried to adapt to kyuhyun’s impromptu and spontaneous act. I’m the no-plan/last-minute-plan kind of person)

        Liked by 1 person

      • ssihobitt says:

        Then you wouldn’t like me if we met 6 years ago (because you don’t like Ahreum 😝)–in fact, maybe you still won’t like my so-well-planned self up to today 😂😂😂

        Liked by 1 person

      • gaemaker says:

        Hahaha don’t say that! I love you both. But, I’ll prioritise the real you over all your fiction characters version 😘 even if you’re very much of Ahreum. 😁I bet we will compromise each other well if we met 6 years ago heheh

        Liked by 1 person

      • ssihobitt says:

        Hahaha it’s quite ironic, knowing that she captures the real me (with all my insecurities that i managed to cover from the world) as true as it gets 😂 That’s why fwiw is special… It’s about me and about my first love 😌 But well, i guess there’s a reason why we need 3 personalities: 1 to show up professionally, 1 to show to closer people and friends, 1 only to ourselves–because no one would want to see that side of us at all 😞😞

        Liked by 1 person

      • gaemaker says:

        The plan a-z kind of person in Ahreum is equally you, L. And i thought eungi was the real you then came along FWIW. I think this is exact thing that all writers did in their writing journey- expose their true self to the world. (In our case, we do it willingly and for free 😝)
        I reckon the 3 personalities. It’s not like we are being hypocrite or fake etc.

        Like

  2. msallets says:

    Finally they went thru all those “almost” scary things.

    Hope Sera could deliver the baby safely and healthy 🙂

    Great job dear!

    Can’t wait till the baby is seeing the new happiest parents ever! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Seo HaYeon says:

    Tears a lot… crying so hard! The way the author makes every detail scenes really makes me sob as sera did. And how glad I am when everyhings gonna be alright. So touched with whaat Kyu did. Congrats for Kyuhyun and Sera…. you are perfect couple!!! 😄😄

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ms. Cotton Pink 💋 says:

    Merinding waktu sii sera di wc itu… Sadissss bener.. Bayangin ak nangis di tengah perkumpulan org andd thats really awkward….. U are awesome.. I have read the previous comment, for me seuri is no 1, then sera… They’re so strong T.T

    Liked by 1 person

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