Category: Chapter, Married Life, Fluff, A slice of Life
Main Cast: Han Sera & Cho Kyuhyun
After the fight they had during dinner time, Sera didn’t say much and just let him spell out all of his worries about the bad prospect of her carrying their child. He hated the way he sounded, he hated the way he talked and he hated the way she glared at him with such fear in her eyes—but he must be the one that draws the line, Sera is too overwhelmed with the prospect of being a mom and Kyuhyun had to be the bad person to keep her grounded.
His world seems to crumble beneath his feet once he opened his eyes the next morning and notices Han Sera is no longer on his side. He searched for her around their house and she’s nowhere to be found. Kyuhyun has been running around their neighborhood for the third time and he still hasn’t got a glimpse of Han Sera, judging from her missing coat and boots she must have gone somewhere. Kyuhyun tries to call her but her phone is turned off and he tried to call his mother but she’s as surprised as he is when she knew Sera’s missing.
Last night Sera didn’t say anything nor defending herself and she just nodded helplessly with a blank stare in her eyes. It broke his heart to see her like that and he’d completely understand if she hates him and chose to run away, but she’s not in her best condition and she’s pregnant, anything could happen to her and he will curse himself if something bad happened to his wife.
He returns to their house to look for some kind of clue about her whereabouts, a little bit of him wishes that Sera would leave him a note or at least a message but his heart sinks even more when he realized that she didn’t even bring her wallet. Kyuhyun covers his face with his hands cursing continuously to himself for being the bad guy he was last night. He knows Sera best and he knows if she’s running away that only means she can’t handle the pressure much longer—it means he is just as bad as her previous husband, or maybe even worse.
Kyuhyun grabs her wallet to check whether she brings her cards and IDs, that way he can search for her using the old trick, but he becomes more frustrated once he sees all of her cards and IDs are still in there. Han Sera ran away in a short amount of time and she forgot to bring anything important with her, just being her old reckless self all over again.
He’s about to put her wallet down when a black and white picture catches his attention, he’s seen this kind of thing on TV and his tears welled up on his eyes once he learns the picture. It must be the ultrasound of their baby that Sera keeps in her wallet, this is the first time Kyuhyun actually sees it and now he feels like somebody’s grabbing his heart and squeezing it as tight as they can.
Something beautiful is growing inside her womb and only then he comes to a realization of how wrong he was to her. Kyuhyun falls to the ground as he recalls how Sera was so in pain when she told him about her first failed pregnancy experience, he remembers how much it broke her and how much it affects her mentally—and physically. He begins to wail with the thought of him being the crueler version of her ex, at least Taecyeon didn’t drag her to the doctor for an abortion, Taecyeon didn’t force her to kill their baby—and what Kyuhyun done is worse than that.
He pays attention to the picture in his hand, trying to figure out which part of it is actually shows the baby and he feels the pain one more time. He’s not sure on why he’s crying; he’s worrying about her right now, he doesn’t like the prospect of her health if she continues, but at the same time—looking at the picture in his hand—he doesn’t want to lose this. This baby is a gift in their marriage and Kyuhyun will be lying if he says he never wished to have the picture perfect family with Sera. He’s been living long enough in his own denial after knowing how much pregnancy could hurt her, so he created a defense mechanism to refuse having a baby altogether. However, seeing this picture in his hand, how could he refuse its incoming? How could he not be the person that takes his wife to doctor visits? How could he be the person that insisted her on having an abortion without even trying to find any other solution? How could he turn into this asshole that wants to murder his own child?
He sinks deeper into his own despair and self-blame along with those thoughts. Kyuhyun lets his guard down and allows himself to throw his frustration as he curls himself, hugs his own knees and cries. He’s crying because he’s afraid, because he worries about her, because his guilt, but mostly because he’s ashamed of himself.
Several moment after he calms down, he decided to call Sera again a few time before he goes straight to his parents’ house, wishing Sera will hide there—it’s not like she has a lot of places to run to—but once he got there, Sera is not the person he find, his mother is the one that greets him instead. By the look on her face, she’s ready to punish her own son anytime soon.
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER, KYUHYUN-A?!!” his mother automatically punches his back once she sees her son. “DID YOU TELL HER TO DO THE ABORTION?!! DON’T YOU KNOW HOW SHE REACTED WHEN SHE KNEW SHE WAS PREGNANT?! SHE DIDN’T EVEN THINK ABOUT HERSELF AND IMMEDIATELY ASKED FOR ABORTION SUGGESTION!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THAT POOR GIRL?”
Kyuhyun falls to his knees and let his mother beats him up even more, she’s crying and he’s crying—both are worried about Sera’s whereabouts and wellbeing. Mrs. Cho stops punching him as she begins to lose her strength from crying for her daughter-in-law’s faith.
She’s right, Kyuhyun only knew about this last night and he didn’t know all the process she had to went through alone while keeping this a secret from him. Kyuhyun didn’t know how much she endures the burden of keeping this matter from him and how much she must have been suffering from the fear she has towards him.
“She didn’t even get a chance to feel happy, Kyuhyun-a. What kind of man have you become? I never raised you to be this cruel.” She mutters in between her sobs.
“I’m wrong oemma, I know. But I can’t risk it.”
She slaps him with the remaining power she has, “You can at least ask her first! You can talk about it to her and to her doctors instead of being too stubborn.”
“SHE COULD DIE EOMMA!” He shouts out his frustration.
“AND WHO ARE YOU TO TELL IF SHE’S GOING TO DIE!? YOU’RE NOT GOD CHO KYUHYUN!!” his mother falls on her knees next to him. “I’ve been coming with her to the ultrasound and early pregnancy checkup and although her doctor can’t guarantee a safe pregnancy, she’s in a healthy condition Kyuhyun-a. She’s great and delighted about it, it breaks my heart to see how much she suppresses her expectation about the baby and she told me she can’t be too excited because she’s gonna have to get rid of it soon.”
Kyuhyun still crying and not dare to lift his face to see his own mother, he feels like a jerk already without his mother trying to tell him how cruel he has been.
“Did she really?” He whispers softly. “Did she really all that happy about it?”
His mother nods, “She proudly touches her belly from time to time and the look on her face during the ultrasound,” She wipes her tears before continues talking, “You didn’t just break her heart, son, you’ve taken all of her hopes and dreams.”
“Stop it please.” He begs, can no longer hear how bad he is from the third person perspective.
“You should know what you’re doing.”
“I know what I’m doing oemma and I’m doing it for her.” He starts to argue.
“Stop deciding what’s bad and what’s best for her! she’s an adult and she has a right to say what she wants Kyu! If you can’t allow her to continues with the pregnancy, you can at least try to support her!” Another angry tone delivered by his mother, “She knows it’ll be hard and maybe impossible to carry on, but you can at least cheer for her instead of turning into her biggest fear right now.”
“Is it really impossible oemma? Did the doctor said that?” its one thing to assume Sera’s pregnancy will be dangerous, but having a professional telling them so is completely heartbreaking for him. “We can’t really keep the child?” He covers his mouth with his hand to prevent wailing for some more.
Mrs. Cho answer was unclear as she only shrugs and cries along with her son.
“I’m trying to do the best for her oemma, I don’t want to hurt her.” He whispers helplessly.
“Then why is she running away now?”
He doesn’t answer. No matter how he sees it, he’s the bad guy this time and nobody will side with him. no one understands how afraid he is if he has to lose her and he can’t even begin to imagine his life without her and won’t be able to live with himself if something bad happen again to Sera. Yet what happen this morning is bad also, he can’t find her and he doesn’t know where to start finding Han Sera.
She can’t believe the password hasn’t change as she gets herself to her hiding place. The smell, the ambience and the furniture in this place still remains the same. She let herself enters the place she called home long ago and didn’t try so hard to adjust herself to the familiar surroundings. Last night she saw the different side of Kyuhyun and for the first time, she’s actually afraid of him. He used to be her shelter but last night, Sera feels like he could attack her anytime he wants and harm her. She touches her belly one more time, making sure that the baby is still there, rubbing it to whisper that they’re safe for now, telling her baby that she’ll protect it no matter what.
At first she thought it’ll be easy to just follow his ego and let him drag her to the doctor to get an abortion. Sera always think that Kyuhyun’s heart will soften when the baby is already in her womb, that the scary talk about getting rid of their offspring will vanish as soon as he learns that it’s his child that she’s carrying. Only after last night she saw the truth reveal in front of her and she’s scared.
What makes her even sadder is the fact that her ObGyn is also telling her not to continue with the pregnancy and get it aborted soon before the situation gets too critical. Her doctor listed her as a high risk patient and no matter how Sera tries to argue with her, her doctor still writes down a big NO on Sera’s chart. She was sad with this truth she just learned yesterday and Kyuhyun reaction didn’t make her feel any better. She feels like screaming to those people who doesn’t have a faith in her, a part of her wants to prove to the world that she can go on with it even when everybody told her otherwise, but a part of her is scared too. She was so close to the end of her life years ago and she knew how bad it felt to be dying, if she continues being stubborn with this pregnancy and it end up the bad way, she will leave Kyuhyun alone and she knows that’ll kill him in the inside too.
Obviously what she needs right now is some peace and more time to think for a solution, she also needs support from her closest people although the later hasn’t really come around yet. She ran away this morning to find peace but this is also her way to punish Kyuhyun for being an asshole, she knows how panic he will be and she knows how this will soften his ego eventually—after all Sera knows him best, and she doesn’t care if she has to pull some bitch move to calm him down.
She doesn’t have too many friends and obviously no place to run to, but she needs to get out of their house—otherwise she’s gonna lose her mind, she really needs to get as far away from Kyuhyun. Sera got up early in the morning and decided to leave, why bother thinking about his feeling? It’s not like he cares anyway and she’s great at running away, she did it once and she can do it one more time. Ironically though, the sanctuary she’s in now is her old apartment with Taecyeon that now belongs to her.
She spent her day by reading some books and old magazines that are still left over there and by lunch time she realized she’s forgotten her wallet at home and can’t order anything without any money on her, she cursed herself for not being prepared when she ran away. She’s hungry and she knows there’s nothing edible in that place so she decided to just go to sleep and get some rest to forget about her growling tummy while thinking of the solution later.
She wakes up at five in the afternoon felling more famish than she was earlier, of course Sera doesn’t care about herself, she’s only worrying about the baby inside her—what if it’s starving? What if it doesn’t get enough nutrition and what if she miscarried again from starving herself? With that thought in mind, she finally turns on her phone and calls her fairy godmother.
Mrs. Cho knocks on the door and Sera let her in immediately, she ordered some food and her mother-in-law agreed to cooperate with her and help her hide. She was relieved when she got a call from Sera and to her, Sera’s health is the most important thing right now instead of worrying about the fight she had with Kyuhyun, besides she doesn’t want to mingle in their domestic fight—and she believes her son deserved to be punished like this by his wife.
“Oemoni, thank you so much.” Sera hugs her once she saw all the food her mother-in-law bought for her. “You didn’t tell him, do you?”
Mrs. Cho shakes her head, “He came to my house looking for you earlier this morning, but I really had no idea you’re here so technically I didn’t lie.”
Mrc. Cho puts down some of the groceries she bought for Sera and takes out the food Sera asked her to bring for dinner. She puts some vegetables into the plate and gives them to Sera, “Here eat a lot! You need more strength.”
“Gomawo oemoni.” She smiles weakly, “Was he still the bad Kyuhyun or he’s return to be my Kyuhyun?”
“Bad Kyuhyun.” Mrs. Cho clucked, “But if you wish him to look like a real mess then you’re succeeded.”
“That not what I wished, Oemoni. It makes me sad actually thinking how bad his condition is right now, but this is my way to make him ponder.”
Sera takes a bite into the veggies and realized how hungry she really is as the food touches her taste buds. She continues filling her tummy with the food Mrs. Cho brought and didn’t say another word until she feels full.
“Here, don’t forget to drink this, it’s good for pregnant women.” Mrs. Cho offers her ginseng tea, which Sera finishes all at once.
Sera’s eyes widen when she sees some mango pudding Mrs. Cho bought her and she begins to eat those as well. “I’m sorry oemonni, I’m too hungry.” She takes a bite of her pudding.
“Gwenchana, you should’ve called me since sooner, maybe you won’t be this starving.” Mrs. Cho tidies up the plates Sera used to eat.
“Oemoni, leave that please. I’ll clean up later.”
“Ey! I’m your fairy godmother tonight.” She waives her hand on the air, “Just eat a lot and be healthy.”
Sera bows politely to her and thank her again, there’s still a piece of heaven in the depth of her inferno and she’s grateful to have Mrs. Cho around to help her like this. However, Sera can’t really take her mind off Kyuhyun either. If she was consumed by anger earlier this morning, now she actually worries about him. She knows he must be out there searching for her, doing his old trick to contact all of his source to get a piece of information of her whereabouts. Has he eaten yet? Is he well? Has he come home from work? Has he changed his mind? Was he really worried about her, or worried about the time limit to visit her doctor? She can’t help to feel the familiar pain one more time once she recalls their conversation last night.
“Oemoni, is he okay?” Sera asks after she lost appetite of her pudding.
“Aish, you still worry about him even after what he’s done to you?”
Sera nods, “He’s my husband.”
“If you’re worried I think you should return to him, instead of making me the middle woman between you two. Aish, I’m too old to do this Han Sera. I think he’s considering about having the baby.” She mutters.
Sera widens her eyes and drop her jaw in disbelieve, “Really? Did he say that to you?”
Mrs. Cho shakes her head, “I was so angry at him this morning that I slipped out and told him about what your doctor told us—how she doesn’t want you to take a risk and continues with this. He looked devastated after I told him about the news, my eyes didn’t fool me Sera-ya.”
“But maybe he’s just shocked and worried because his fear confirmed by a pro.” She rubs her belly again, “I’m afraid oemoni, what if he’s really mad at me? I think I’ll stay here for the night and figure out what to do later.”
“I think you’d better stay here for tonight. I can keep you company if you want.”
Sera shake her head, “I already bothered you so much, it’s okay. I’m familiar with this place anyway.”
“How are you feeling, Sera-ya?”
“Bad. Really bad.” She’s not even trying to lie, “I can’t believe I can love and hate him at the same time oemoni. I mean here I am worrying about him worrying me but I’m afraid he’ll drag me down to the hospital tomorrow if I come home. I know I told you that I’m ready for the abortion and that I’ll endure the pain no matter how hard it will be. But can you do that if you were me?” Her tears begin to fall one more time.
Mrs. Cho moves to take a seat next to Sera, trying her best effort to comfort her.
“I understand his reason, I do. But a part of me feels like I deserve this chance, I deserve to be a mother too right oemoni? I know I’ll be weak during the pregnancy but if I get the right support I’ll be just fine, right? It was my original heart that was sick, I got the brand new one and there’s a probability that this person’s heart is the healthiest heart, right oemoni?” She continues to sob.
“Now, do you need my opinion or you just need to release your frustration?”
“Well, I think you should talk this through with him—not immediately, he needs some time to think also Sera-ya and I understand that you’re running out of time. What I’m saying is, stay here for tonight return home tomorrow and talk to him. Ask him to listen to what you’re feeling and tell him how you think it supposed to be. I’m sure he’ll understand eventually, he’s stubborn but he loves you.”
“I don’t even know what to do with this oemoni.” She places her elbows on the table and supports her head with her fist, “Because honestly, there’s a part of me that shares the same fear he has—what if I’m not built to handle pregnancy? I’m scared too, you know? Especially after the ObGyn also said that I’m a high risk.”
Mrs. Cho nods. “What about getting a second opinion from other doctors? We can do that right? There’re a lot of ObGyn in Seoul Sera-ya, don’t raise the white flag just yet.”
“You really want a grandchild don’t you?” She tries to comfort herself.
“Of course, but I want you and my son to be happy first. If all the doctors say it’s impossible to proceed with this pregnancy, then you should be the bigger person here. But don’t lose hope just yet, we just visited one doctor—and I don’t really like that girl.”
Sera chuckles, “Ng, she doesn’t seem like a friendly doctor for an ObGyn.”
It’s the second day Sera has been missing and Kyuhyun had tried all the best effort he could give to find her, he called everyone that might know her, he check every single hotel and sauna, he contacted his friend in immigration to make sure his wife doesn’t fly out of the country and he’s almost crazy imagining things that could happened to her. She left her wallet at home and he can’t even imagine how she’s going to survive for one night, leave alone two. In the peak of his desperation, he even called Sera’s ex-husband just to make sure if he’s seen her or not—and that only cause another problem.
After the two days he spent on the road searching for his wife, Kyuhyun ran out of ideas on her whereabout and begins to call her again desperately only to talk to her answering machine. He was just about to try his thousandth effort when his mother suddenly calls him and tell him to stop searching for her and go home instead. There’s a hint in Mrs. Cho message that makes Kyuhyun believed that she actually knew where Sera has been so he obeys his mother for once and returns home.
He parks his car on their driveway and let himself enters the house. The sight of her coat hung on the hanger and her boots on the doorway tells him that Han Sera has return. Kyuhyun runs into their house and searches for the person that has messed with his head in the past two days. He opens their bedroom door and finally find a peace in his heart once he sees Sera is sitting on the corner of their room, she’s healthy and she’s here and that’s enough for him to rush into her to embrace her in his arms.
“Han Sera I’m sorry.” He hugs her and cries his heart out. “I’m sorry, I was too cruel didn’t i? I didn’t think it through and I scared you, I’m sorry Sera-ya. Please don’t run away again.”
Sera slowly lifts her hand and patting him on the shoulder, trying to calm him down from the rebel action she just did two days ago.
“Forgive me Sera-ya.” Kyuhyun hugs her tighter, “I didn’t mean to sound that cruel but I think I went overboard.” He takes several deep breaths to control his cries, “I thought I lost you Sera, I thought you’re leaving me. I’m sorry Sera, I made a huge mistake.”
Sera begins to feel emotional seeing how helpless he really is right now. She pushes him away to wipe the tears on his check, cups his face to calm him down and takes a good look into her husband.
Her handsome husband now looks very miserable, she’s not sure when was the last time he eaten or if he got some rest in the past two days. Cho Kyuhyun looks really pale and the only colors in his face are the dark shadows under his eyes. His clothes are wrinkled and his hair looks like a disaster, and her man is now crying like a lost child beside her wailing for her forgiveness.
“Kyu, don’t cry.” She pulls him and lays his head on her chest, “I just needed to get away from you to think, I’m sorry too.”
“No, I’m the one at fault. I didn’t even give you a chance to argue, I made the whole decision without thinking about your feeling.” He sinks his face to the curve of her neck. “I scared you, didn’t i?”
Sera nods slowly while running her hand through his hair. “I believe I loathe you so much.”
“You have every right to hate me.”
“But I keep worrying about you too, Kyu. I know you’ll be this messed up.” She enfolds him closer to her body, “A part of me wants to give you a lesson not to messes with me, but a part of me worrying too much about you.”
“Thanks for siding with the later side.” He lifts his face to peck her on her cheek.
Sera takes a deep breath, enough with the chit chat and apologies, sooner or later they will begin to talk about the real problem and she wants it to end soon so she initiated the topic.
“About the abortion,” She bites her lips, can’t believe she’s speaking of it so freely. “Can we get second opinion from another doctor first Kyu?”
Kyuhyun lifts his body that leans onto hers, “Ng, we need to talk about that, but before we begin to argue again can I please tell you the revelation I got while you’re missing?”
“Will I like it?”
“I’m not sure, but it’s not cruel I promise.” He lifts his eyebrow to convince her.
“Okay, tell me.”’
“I found this in your wallet.” He takes out his own wallet, unfolds it and gets a black and white picture of Sera’s ultrasound. “I can’t spot our baby, please tell me which one is the actual baby, it looks like a very bad old TV in my eyes.”
Sera smiles weakly and takes the picture then points to the little dot that looks like a tiny red bean. “This is our baby, Kyu. It’s taken three days ago, now I’m twelve weeks long that’s almost three months.”
Kyuhyun nods and smiles to the ultrasound picture and hesitantly offer his hand to touch her belly. Sera understands what he’s about to do and takes his hand to place on top of her womb instead.
“Not much change in my appearance yet, just a very little baby bumps.” She continues to explain.
“You’re too thin for a pregnant lady.” He leans his head on her shoulder again, “I want you to know that I want to do this Sera-ya.”
“I want to father this child you’re carrying, I do. Even though I hate kids, I bet ours will be different.” He chuckles, “But..”
“We can’t risk my health.”
“If I can find a doctor that can guarantee me being okay during and post-delivery, will you support me Kyu?”
“Only if the doctor can guarantee 100% chance of you being safe.”
“Impossible. Even the healthiest woman still at risk during the delivery, 50-50% chance?”
He shakes his head, “90%”
“75.” She bargains more. “Come on, that’s high enough”
“What your current doctor said about this?” He realized he never knew her condition at all.
“You must be very glad because she shared the same opinion as yours, she suggested me to abort the baby also.” She clenches her jaws trying not to cry, “She said I’m at high risk during delivery and during the old weeks of pregnancy, because by then my tummy will get really big and it’ll pressure most of my organs.”
He exhales, he didn’t know he’d feel this disappointed when he hears his fear is confirmed by her doctor. “You really think I hate it that much that you’re pregnant don’t you?”
“What you said that night said enough.” She looks down to her fingers and plays with her nails.
“I’m just as happy as you are, Sera-ya. I delivered the wrong emotion because my worries overshadow my joy, I apologize for that.” He rubs her belly again.
“Really? You’re not just saying this to prevent me from running away again?” She replies bluntly.
He shakes his head and chuckles, “You’ve changed my life all the way through. At first I thought I didn’t want to get married and look at me now—happily tangled with the woman of my dream. I didn’t want to have a kid at first, but then seeing that ultrasound has really been a revelation for me. The little version of us is growing inside you, of course I want to meet him and be a great father to him.”
“Her. I want it to be a girl so I can dress her with cute little outfit and be her bestfriend.”
Kyuhyun pecks her on her temple, “Before we fight over gender, we still have the big concern in front of us, Sera-ya. Even if I support you right now, you ObGyn says no still.”
“But it’s just one doctor Kyu, she has huge reputation to keep with her so I guess she’s not taking any risk.”
“Well, there’s no risk should be taken when it comes to your life, Sera-ya. Look at me now, look what kind of mess I’ve become without you.”
She forces a smile but her tears fall in the end, “I have three more weeks to execute with the abortion Kyu, I beg you, please let me find another doctors to help me with my pregnancy, I’ll get second opinion, or third, maybe fourth—I don’t care how many doctors visit I have to go through. If I’m going to kill my own child, I must have left with no other option.” She begins to tremble again to the horrible thought in her head.
Kyuhyun takes her into his arm trying his last effort to comfort her. “Fine, let’s go doctor hunting Sera-ya. I’ll be with you every step of the way—the ways I’ve always have been. But I’m afraid too, I’m afraid your heart will get broken if it all turns bad.” He can’t help thinking for the worst.
Sera sinks her head on his chest, crying for some more. “I’m afraid too Kyu, I accidentally killed my first child and I can’t do this for the second time—but I’m afraid too, I’m afraid for you and I’m afraid if it’ll affect me that bad and the worst will happen in the end. This is too much Kyu, this is..” She doesn’t get to finish her words since she’s now sobbing heavily.
“We have three weeks Sera-ya, let’s fight our best, even if I have to find the hundredth opinion, I’ll go the distance with you—if you really want to do this, I’ll support you. I promise.” He holds her close to him to give her the strength and the spirit she needs.