(Eng.) Stupid Anxiety – 3 [Guilt]

Author: Ssihobitt

Category: Chapter, Married Life, Fluff, A slice of Life

Main Cast: Han Sera & Cho Kyuhyun

 

When he said he’d like to make amend into their relationship, Kyuhyun really tried his best to keep his words. He’s been refusing new clients and he’s now put more effort to looking for a real assistant that can actually help him with his ‘detective’ works—all just to make sure he doesn’t hurt Sera the way he did few days ago.

Knowing her, Kyuhyun understand the smiles she put on her face lately were just an illusion, he knows how she’s still broken hearted from the look in her eyes, and though Sera didn’t say anything, Kyuhyun already figured out how Sera is still avoiding to have any kind of intense talk with him—either she really doesn’t like the prospect of their talk or maybe she’s just too afraid that he’ll be rude again if the wrong topic came out.

This night however, they get into the right track to have the serious talk about their relationship. They’re lying on the bed after the great time they had from the love making they haven’t done in a long time and apparently it has put both of them in better moods.

“So you really learned to quilt?” Kyuhyun picks up the new quilted blanket Sera just finished sewing to cover their naked bodies.

“Yes, it looks okay, right?”

“Looks great.” He piles his pillow on his back and leans onto the head board of the bed.

“Don’t lie.” She leans her head onto his shoulder. “You hate loud pattern.”

“Ha! Living with you changed everything in my life.” He pinches her nose softly, “This room looks completely different from its original state and I don’t mind, I really like the lady’s touch in the house—makes it a home.”

“Aish, you still have lousy pick-up lines.” Sera rolls her eyes but smiles to his cheesy way to comfort her.

“But it works for you.” He grins playfully. “So tell me more about your day.”

“Nothing, as usual nothing much. Maybe you’re the one who should tell me about your day.”

“Meh, usual case.” He scoffs, “I don’t understand why the average age of my costumer now getting younger. They got married too early but then filing for divorce pretty soon.”

“Really? What’s the youngest number?”

“20 years old female, she filed for divorce because her husband can’t make her happy—for unspecific reason.”

“And you take that case?”

“Heck no! There’s nothing for me to defend if she cannot tell me her real reason, she refused to cooperate so I refuse the case.”

“Good for you, less work and more time for your beautiful wife.” Sera points to herself with a big smile on her face. “I love it when you refuse a case.”

Kyuhyun chuckles, “I still have to take some, Sera-ya. I need to provide you with a great life.” He rounds his arms around her shoulder then pulls her closer to kiss the top of her head.

She lifts her head so she can look at her husband’s face clearer, “Isn’t that’s exactly what you’re doing?”

He shrugs, “Well, compare to your earlier life before me, I’m pretty sure it’s nothing really.”

“Ya! Cho Kyuhyun.”

Kyuhyun smiles bitterly and takes her hand to play with her fingers. “I mean, your parents gave you the comfortable life and after that you got him as your husband—which also gave you a comfortable life. I need to work twice as hard than usual to provide you Sera-ya, I don’t want you to live a casual life because you’re with me.”

He doesn’t know why he can say his deepest thought at this moment to her, maybe it’s his insecurity over the great men in Sera’s pervious life, maybe because he thinks Sera deserves to know the truth behind his reason for working so hard, Kyuhyun just really think it’s about time he’s being really  honest to her. Their relationship is stronger than he thought and he’s sure she can handle this talk.

Sera runs her hand to caress his face, she doesn’t look offended nor sad, she’s just trying to understands him. “Kyu, what makes you think that’s really the life that I want?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I just feel like crap whenever I think about it and it became my drive to work harder.” He avoids her gaze. It’s already odd enough for him to confess his deepest insecurity; he doesn’t need to look at her pity stare.

“Kyu, will you look at me? please?”

He ignores her request and avoids her gaze still.

Sera swift her body on top of him and spread her legs to trap his in between then sits on top of his laps. She cups his face and forces him to look at her. “It’s true what you said, I had a comfortable life when I was my father’s daughter and he was barely there for me when I grew up. And you’re aware also how they removed me from the family register because I scar their image in front of Taecyeon’s family—if he really considers me as his daughter, I think he’d choose me over his own image.” She pauses, wishing Kyuhyun can really get her means.

“And Taecyeon, “She continues, “I had a great comfortable life, he provided me with the things he thought I needed while what I needed was him to be beside me through the hard time. I don’t think it’s too much for me to ask you for not doing what they did to me, right?”

“No, you don’t.” He takes her arms that’s cupping her face and place them on his chest, “But still I don’t want you to starve also.”

“You’re exaggerating Kyu, first of all I don’t eat that much. Secondly, you put a roof on top of my head, you shelter me and you take care of me when everyone turned their back away. I couldn’t ask for more, I really don’t and I won’t.”

“You deserve only the best Sera..”

“And the best for me is having you around me. Please Kyu, listen to me. I don’t need you to work you ass to the point it harms our marriage or to the point we barely talk to each other. Let’s be honest to ourselves, when’s the last time we had a real talk like this?”

He nods, knowing that Sera is once again right about his absence in their marriage life.

“Kyu, I don’t know if we should discuss this again but I really need to say it.”

“Go ahead, the moment’s is perfect for honest talk.”

“About kids,”

Kyuhyun inhales deeply but Sera already place her hands in front of her chest, begging him to give her time to talk.

“If you really hate it that much, then I’ll suppress my ego and I’ll try my best to shrug off the thoughts of building that kind of family with you.” She bites her lips while busy picking her next words, “But please don’t create any distance between us. If it’s only going to be the two of us, please allow us to have the time of our life without being apart for too much. I mean, I know you love your job and everything but don’t you love me too?

“Of course.” He caresses her hair on her shoulder.

“So can you minimize the amount of your working time?” She lifts her eyebrows, asking for his confirmation.

“But if I don’t work hard enough, how am I going to take you to our next holiday?”

“Ya! Your salary is more than enough for a trip to Europe every month.”

“But I can’t buy you designer bags to decorate your pretty hands when you’re walking around. “He takes her hand and gives a soft peck on it.

Sera laughs to how innocent her husband is sometimes, “I want you to be my accessories instead, it looks nicer you know? Linking my arms into yours instead of a handbag. And come on, I don’t go out that much anyway, I don’t need designer bags, just buy me a new sewing machine.”

He’s amused by the way she carefully choose her words not to hurt his pride, Han Sera is still walking on the eggshell with him sometimes when it comes to her luxurious life she had a long time ago.

“Fine, if you need a sewing machine I’ll buy you one.”

“Really? Can we go tomorrow?” Her eyes glisten hopefully.

He takes a glance to his night stand to look at the calendar on top of it to pretend to look busy in front of her, “No, we can’t.”

She pouts her mouth, “After work then?”

“No chance.” He reaches out his hand to take something from the back of his triangular calendar and proudly shows it to her. “I’m taking you for a vacation to Italy tomorrow.” He waives the tickets he prepared in front of her.

The frown vanishes as soon as she gets what he’s trying to do. Cho Kyuhyun is never good with surprises and he always ruined his own effort himself but this time he finally gets to see how her eyes gets watery from the happiness she feels inside.

“You’re not coming to work tomorrow?”

“Nah! I’m taking a week leave and taking my beautiful wife around Italy for another honeymoon.” He grins playfully and taps himself on the shoulder. “I did a great job didn’t i?”

“You’re amazing.” Sera lowers herself and locks their lips as she rounds her arms on his shoulders. “Thank you, Kyu. Thanks for trying.”

He doesn’t reply but rolls their body to her side of the bed instead and cages her under his body after he carefully places their tickets back onto his nightstand. She clearly said what she needs from him when she asks him to always stay beside her instead of doing what her ex did to her, and he’s more than happy to deliver.

 

***

 

The vast greenish brown swath lines up beneath them as they about to land in the main land of Italy. Kyuhyun has planned a week holiday with his wife and decided to take her to Venice as their destination, he knows she’s prefer to go to the beach or do an adrenalin pumping experience, but it’s autumn and there’s no perfect beaches for them to be at in Europe so he takes her to the best honeymoon destination instead.

Smile decorates her face after both of them actually landed on Marco Polo airport with a personal escort already prepared to take them to cross the sea toward Venice Island. Sera has to admit that Kyuhyun did outsmart her this time. She’s aware about the amend he makes but she didn’t thought he’d actually takes some time off his work—while she knows there are some ongoing cases in his hands at the moment.

Venice airport is located in the main land of Italy in Mestre region and they have to take either a train ride or a boat ride if they want to get to the Venice Island. Kyuhyun prepared a personal pick-up service for them since he doesn’t want to make Sera uncomfortable carrying their luggage and finding their way into the hotel in the middle of the huge maze the Italian called a city.

“So, a plane ticket to Venice, a private pick-up, what’s the next surprise?” Sera takes a seat next to him on the leather seat in their private boat.

“Don’t get too comfortable, we’d be walking all the time in this city after this ride.” He takes his camera and begins capturing the mesmerizing view ahead of them.

“Really?” She sounds exited, “I’d love that, it sounds romantic in my head.”

“Han Sera, again, please don’t get too excited; I’m not the most romantic man on earth I don’t know if I could exceed your expectation.”

She quickly hugs him while laughing freely, it’s been a while since Kyuhyun saw her being that happy. “I don’t care, I have Venice ahead of me, I have you in my arms, all I need is a hotel room and everything will be perfect.”

“Aish, since when you became this perverted woman, ng?” He hugs her back, “We didn’t come this far just to cuddle and make love Sera-ya. I prepared itinerary for us.”

“Tell me.”

“Gondola, we have to take a ride on that thing.” He says the first idea.

“With the man wearing stripes and straw hat serenading for us?”

“Definitely.” He nods, “Then we should take a walk along Cannaregio, visit glass making in Murano, Get to St. Marco and the Doge’s palace, and don’t forget that the food will be as authentic as it’s gonna get completes with the beautiful wine and scenery.”

Sera pretend to looks surprise, “You planned our holiday to the dots? That’s so unlike you.” the sarcasm is clear while she’s trying to tease him with his old planned self.

“Stop it, you’ll thank me later.” Kyuhyun messes with her hair, knowing how much she likes to mock him about his need to have everything perfectly planned.

“I’m thanking you already for this.” She pecks him on the cheek, “You have no idea how happy I am right now! Thank you Kyuhyun-aa~”

They get into their hotel right in front of the Grand Canal with an exclusive view of Rialto Bridge on their left, Sera one more time was amazed by how detailed Kyuhyun has prepared this holiday for them on short notice. She opens the big window in their suit overlooking into the Grand Canal, spreads her arms and takes in as many Venice air as she can into her lungs.

“Kyu, this room is beautiful. We can see the famous bridge on the left and the curve the canal creates on our right, it’s majestic! I’m speechless!” She turns and comes closer to her husband that doesn’t look so well. “Ng, you look pale, are you sick?”

“Sea sick.” He takes himself onto the bed and rests his body, “The wave was a little too high.”

“Hold on, I think I got a remedy for that in my pouch.” She takes her luggage, opens it and begins searching for medicine pouch she always carries with her.

“Gwenchana Sera-ya, give me ten minutes and I’m ready to take a stroll into the city.”

“It’s weird, I think I put it in my luggage.” She keeps digging into her luggage.

“What is?”

“My medicine pouch.”

“You forgot to bring it?” Kyuhyun lifts his body and glares at her, “Ya! That pouch is more important than anything Sera-ya, all of your emergency meds are in there.”

“It was on short notice Kyu, forgive me if I forget stuff. I saw a pharmacy on our way here anyway, we can get the first aid meds in there.”

He rolls his eyes and slams his body back into the bed, “I wonder when your recklessness will stop.”

 

 

***

 

As promised, Kyuhyun took her to one of the most recommended Italian pasta place near the Rialto Bridge, he takes her to take a stroll around the city by foot and they enjoy the romantic scenery the city offers to the tourist. Venice probably is the perfect place for both of them to regrow their love that was distanced lately, Kyuhyun knows he’s done a great job picking this place as their destination by the look on her face.

Their first day in the city was spent by going anywhere within walking distance of their hotel, Sera is quite ignorant when it comes to going into new places. She the kind that just follows where the road leads her while Kyuhyun needs to constantly knows where he’s at. These differences caused troubles by the end of the day when they both got lost in the maze of the city. Venice is known to be the city without any car running on its surface and it also famous with the confusing little alley that could lead anywhere. They planned to go to the main square in the first night and failed to do so once both of them noticed how lost they are after going through the same lamp post for the fifth time.

After the jetlag gone away the next day, they got more adjusted to the city maps and decided to just go around like the local using the ferry-bus—technically it functions like a bus in the form of a ferry boat that goes along the Grand Canal and other accessible water way. With this new method, they both succeeded to get into the places Kyuhyun has planned for them without having to worry of getting lost.

They spend the third day by being in their hotel room, enjoying the view it offers while reconnected physically. Sera knew that he has planned to take her into another sightseeing spot but she continuously arouses him to be with her in bed instead. Obviously he doesn’t have any power to refuse his ravishing wife so he let go of his plan and let himself lost in their unrestrained desire instead—and rely on room service to provide them with good food and wine.

They go to Murano on the fourth day to see the famous island where the people excel themselves in glass making industry in one of Venice peninsula and then he takes her to the museum tour that they both actually hate. Sera endured the tour in order to appreciate what Kyuhyun has done for her and secretly wished it will end soon enough so she can have another intimate evening with him. Thankfully he noticed the boredom in her face when they reached the Doge’s palace, so he takes her out of there and offers her a romantic sunset gondola ride after he bought them a bottle of wine to share on the traditional boat.

“So you’re really not into historical site, ng?” He places his coat around her shoulder and spread the blanket the gondolier gave them when they got on the boat.

Sera grins and shakes her head, “I chose to interact with the object when I go sight seeing, like going to the mountain to climb it, to the beach to swim, or like this—to Venice to ride on a gondola with you.”

“I should’ve done this since day one then.” He takes off the cork on the wine and pours its content into two plastic glasses he bought along with it. “Here you go, excuse the glass.”

“Cheers!” She lifts her glasses and sips it slowly. “I’m really happy right now Kyu. It feels so great to leave our daily life behind for a while to refresh elsewhere, with the new sight, new air, new experiences—I really appreciate what you’re doing for me.”

Kyuhyun slides closer to her and wraps his arm around her shoulder, “Believe me, ever since I met you, I just want to see this kind of smile in your face. I screwed up a few times and you’re still here and stay beside me.”

“I told you, marriage is hard.” She takes another sip of her wine, “But if you got married with the right person, those hardship means nothing compares to the joy it always bring whenever we’re together.”

He takes a big gulp and smiles bitterly, “Am I the right person for you?”

“You’re the best person available.” She winks playfully, “I married my best friend for God’s sake, it’s every girl’s dream to do that.”

“Really?”

She nods and gives him her glass for refill. “Do you ever regret that you married me?”

“I should ask you that question too.” He pours the wine carefully into her glass. “Do you regret marrying me?”

“Ey, I asked first.”

“I never regret anything I’ve done for you and with you.” He runs his free finger to caress her face, “Even during our hardest time, I’m still grateful that I got to spent it with you. It’s a dream come true for me also, Sera-ya—to have you in my arms, receiving your love and being taken care of by you.”

She bites her lips and smile shyly, “even when I became a nuisance to you?”

He nods, “Even then. Do you have any regret marrying me?” He pauses, thinking whether to brings up their unsolved problem and ruins the romantic night for Sera or just keep his mouth shut then enjoy the rest of the night being the great loving husband for her.

“Never..”

“Even after you know I don’t want a baby?” He chose the first option in his head.

Sera’s a little bit shaken by his words, especially because the moment they’re having now supposed to be romantic, not emotional. “I can understand why you don’t want to be bothered by kids and like I said, I’ll suppress my ego about that. It doesn’t change a thing Kyu, I love you still no matter what and I never regret that I married you.”

He takes another gulp of his wine before pouring more of the red liquid into their glasses.

Sera takes the whole content of her glass in one go before she speaks her mind. “But, is that really not negotiable?” She braces herself to ask the question she’s dying to know.

Kyuhyun nods.

“And if we accidentally conceived?” She can’t help not to ask the worst case scenario.

“Then I guess I have to be the mean guy.”

Sera can feel tears welling up in her eyes, did she heard him right?

“I’m sorry Sera, I just really can’t risk it.” He hugs her closer to him, “We both know another reason why I don’t want you to get pregnant, I’m afraid it’ll cause you another heart failure—no matter how brand new your heart is right now. If I have to choose between my own offspring and yourself, my answer will always be you, Han Sera.”

Kyuhyun can feel the warmth of her tear on his chest where she’s now laying her head on. He takes the glass from her hand and put their glasses on the surface of the gondola then hugs her tighter. “I’m too addicted to you that I can’t bear the thought of losing you. I’m sorry Sera-ya.”

They both are now shedding tears on what supposed to be a romantic evening ride.

Sera pushes herself away from him to wipe the tears on his face, “It’s supposed to be romantic.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head and wipes her own tears, “Don’t be. I appreciate your honesty, that’s exactly why I never regret marrying you, Kyu—I know you’ll never lie to me no matter how bitter the truth is.”

She tries to look strong in front of him but it only brings more pain in his heart. He wants to comfort her, he wants to be the better man among all the men there were in her life, he wants to protect her and it hurts him to act like a bad guy in order to keep her safe and sound.

“I don’t deserve your kindness, Sera-ya.” He carefully places his palm on her face and his other hand on her nape, “I supposed to be the one that comforts you, not the one that gives you the pain.”

She gives out a weak smile, she knows he means best and she understands how scared he must be if she gets sick one more time. It’s relieving for her to actually hear his confession from himself and not from his mother—at least now she knows his real reason for sure.

“Comfort me then.” She lifts her hand to brush his hair as she slowly make her way down to his collar, “If it’s gonna be the two of us for the rest of our life, I think I deserve to be spoiled all the time by you.” Sera leans closer as she pulls his collar to give him a kiss on his lips.

As much as he’s intrigued into the temptation, he’s aware that this is only a way for Sera to release her sadness and a way to consoles her pain. He wants to push her away from him and continue their talk instead, but her kiss is needy and he doesn’t dare to break her heart one more time by refusing her gesture of defeat, so he tightens his grip on her nape and deepen their kisses.

Either it’s the sadness in their hearts, the magnificent scenery when the Venice night lights begins to gleam as the sun finally sets under the horizon, the romantic ride they take on the traditional gondola, or maybe their first actual public display of affection, Kyuhyun and Sera’s kiss has gone deeper from the comforting kiss she initiated earlier.

Their breathing gets harder as they erase the distance between them when their foot interlocks in between each other’s and his hand slowly touching her thigh from beneath the blanket provided on the ride. The only thing that reminds them about their whereabouts is only the gondolier that serenading still no matter how intense his guest has gotten.

Kyuhyun is the first one to pull away from her, he bites his lips while fighting the urge to attack her more as he tries to calm his breathing.

“So.. take you to your hotel, no?” The gondolier breaks their intense moment.

Sera and Kyuhyun both turn their heads to the gondolier and smile coyly.

“Yes please, Palazzo hotel by the Grand Canal.” Kyuhyun grins.

“Fast.” Sera adds.

They can’t really remember how they got themselves out from the gondola into the entrance of their hotel, they’re too busy withstanding their fiery need that consume them. As they get into the elevator, Kyuhyun aggressively pushes Sera to the corner to trap her in between his arms then showers her with more deep kisses. People said make-up sex is always the best and this is exactly what’s going on between them. They throw on their frustration into something more physical and passionate instead of continue on with their arguments.

The sound of their lips locking spread across the tiny cubicle and they’re lucky that no one was there to see how Kyuhyun impatiently moves his hands lower to her breasts when he can no longer contains desire to touch his wife.

They get out from the elevator and Sera quickly tries to find their room key in her purse then trying her best to pay attention to their room door while Kyuhyun is busy sucking the soft skin on her neck. Once she managed to unlock the door, he pulls her hand and once again cages her to the door he just closed behind them as he removes her coat. Sera tiptoes to get easier access to bite his lips lightly before running her tongue across his bottom lips to tease him even more. Her mouth is busy interlocking with his while her hand is automatically unbuttoning his shirt while he’s also pulling down the zipper in her dress before he lets gravity takes over his job to undress his wife.

Kyuhyun lifts her body by supporting her on his hip as she round her beautiful legs around him to take her to their dining table in their suite. Sera gladly lifts her hips a little bit when he tries to removes her undergarment before he arouses her private part with his finger. The look on her face, the remaining sadness in her eyes, and the way her lips trembles when he hits the right spot has turned him into an animal.

He’s no longer the soft and loving husband as he takes Sera’s body closer to him and enters her rather roughly as his way to channel his frustration over himself. She bites her lips, trying not to moan while concealing the excitement she feels when he’s filling her up this way, he’s always the man that treats her tenderly and this is the first time Sera sees him releasing his anger into their love making and to her surprise, she feels like it’s the right way to redeem themselves from the pain that has been going on lately in their life.

“Kyu, please…” She says in between their breathing as she begins to feel the familiar tingling sensation.

Kyuhyun lays her body down to the table before he quickens his pace and runs his tongue to the peak of her breast to stimulate her more. Sera sinks her finger into his hair and pulls it once she reach her climax and finally let go of her detained moan. He takes some time to let her savor her pleasure before he puts his hand under her back to lift her up from the table’s surface then places his other hand on the back of her knees to lifts her and brings her to the rightful place for him to continue.

As her back touches the soft fabric, Sera quickly pulls his hand and makes him rolls to the space beside her so she can trap him in between her legs. If he’s trying to be rough with her then she can do her part too. She’s teasing him by rolling her tongue on the head of his already hard private part and let her hand massages the rest, she gets excited again once he groans as he tilts his head backward from the pleasure he’s getting from her.

Han Sera moves up to position herself on top of her husband and slowly lead their movement as their bodies become as one again. He tries to move his hips as he grabs onto her bottoms and Sera moves sideways instead to create more sensation between their bodies. He can’t take it anymore when Sera begins to bites her lips while closing her eyes as she savoring the pleasure they have by touching her own breast on top of him. Kyuhyun quickly turns their position and put her beneath his body as he moves faster on top of her moments before they both giving up to the delightful sensation that explodes within their bodies.

He kisses her head once they’re both done and rolls himself to her left then takes her gently to let her lays on his chest. He thinks of apologizing to her for being harsh but at the same time he’s afraid that it’ll confirm his roughness. Kyuhyun takes a peak into her expression and it calms him down once he sees how her sincere smile has return to her face.

“That was..” He begins to talk.

“Different.” She finishes his sentence for him. “It’s our first make-up sex, really.” She chuckles to the thought.

“Ng, it was different.” He nods, “I like the tender ones we usually have, doesn’t make me feel like an asshole for being rather rude to you.” He pecks the top of her head.

“I don’t mind that one, kinda like it to see you taking control like that.” She giggles, “Although I still prefer your usual tender touch.” She rounds her arms on his body and gets herself even closer to his skin.

“Please know that I didn’t mean to harm you.”

“I know. You’re capable of doing a lot of things, but I know you will never hurt me.” She kisses the skin on his chest that’s closest to her.

They spend the rest of their night caressing each other as the loving couple they’ve always been. It seems like they finally manage to fix their scarred bound. His effort to take her into the unexpected journey has led them here back into their blunt yet honest relationship and seems like they won’t be getting any disturbance anytime soon, when they least expected it.

 

Little did they know her recklessness will really push their love to its limit.

 

tbc…

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4 thoughts on “(Eng.) Stupid Anxiety – 3 [Guilt]

  1. Seo HaYeon says:

    “Her recklessness will really push their love to its limit” What the exact meaning???? The last words!! Makes my heart runs fast Uuuu…. Finally Kyu really take his part time… glad to read it 😀 But still worry about what will happen next…. Hua… I love for having curious like dying of their life marriage story 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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