No, it’s not an update. You can just skip it, i just need to put my thoughts into words.
Every person is like a painting, when we come into contact with another life, that individual dabs a little bit of color into our soul. It isn’t always the color you like, but even ugliness provides its own lesson. Those are the words that lingers in my head years and years after i read it, from Clay Aiken—my hero.
But i’m not going to talk about him, i’m just going to analize the pretty words and put its meaning into my life. (Yeah i’m going to blab now).
Sometimes i wonder why i must encounter a mean person in my life. A mean strager, a mean collegue, a mean worker, a mean reader even. Why people can be so mean even when you’ve done nothing to harm them?
For most people, it’s something they can just ignore. But for people with high insecurity and anxiety, it becomes a problem.
I’m passionate about my major, but i’m not allowed to do deep reasearch because it’ll affect my grades in the Departement of Education report card (because i crossed major at the moment).
I tranfer my frustration into doing my job harder, simply because i must learn a whole new major in instant, yet my collegue started to doubt me and try to knock me down lately.
I’m so insecure about my real life that i seek comfort in writing fictions, but mean readers just keep on spitting their harsh words to keep my self-esteem stay low.
Honestly, i don’t know what kind of comfort that i need at the moment. This is the time when i just want to ‘vanish’ for a while, the moment when i want to hide to sink myself in the pit of sorrow that i dig deep for myself.
it’s only 23 days gone since 2017, yet i already missed a lot of greatness of 2016—and i already hate this year.