(Eng.) Piles of Regrets – Part 12

Author: Ssihobitt

Category: Short Chaptered, Romance, Sad

Main Cast: Han Sera & Cho Kyuhyun

Supporting Cast: Ok Taecyeon

Two days has passed and the person she’s been waiting for hasn’t come to visit her. She spent her days by reading as usual and she still hope that it’s Kyuhyun that comes through the door every time somebody slides her ward door. She has to gulp down another disappointment once she sees it’s not her best friend that comes.

She’s been thinking to call him but she feels like she doesn’t deserve to do that.

During her regular checkup she asked doctor Song if Kyuhyun was present during the ER treatment and she said Kyuhyun actually asked her permission to checked on Sera in the CICU after Sera’s stabilized and according to the visitor list, he entered the unit. That’s when Sera begins to get a grasp of what happened to him, he must have seen her and Taecyeon together in that room and he—once again—did the thing he does best, back away from her life.

The realization has weirdly turns her mood upside down. It’s annoying for her the fact that he’s not here for her, she wants to tell him what happened, she needs to apologize to him and she also feels the obligation to explain to him what happened between her and Taecyeon, she misses him.

After her initial thought, she’d change her perspective and begins to think why would she need to explain herself? He’s not her boyfriend, so she doesn’t need to explain anything right? But they kissed. She’s not stupid nor ignorant enough not to understand the meaning behind that kiss they shared.

Nobody could ignore a kiss that deep and meaningful like the one they shared. Sera automatically touches her lips every time she remembers about that kiss. She never considers Kyuhyun to fit into being her lover or somewhat, but he’s been messing around with her mind ever since.

Sera has a physiotherapy schedule every afternoon that usually goes on for about two hours, since she collapsed her doctors has scheduled less exercise for her until she really gains her strength back. What usually takes two hours now only last one hour and that gives her more free-time of doing nothing.

A nurse is assisting her to return to her room after her quick session, Sera has no problem to walk on her own, but considering what happened few days ago, the doctors don’t want to risk her vital anymore so she’s now under constant surveillance. As they arrived on the 6th floor Sera tells the nurse confidently that she can walk herself into her room, since it’s not too far from the nurse station also. She turns to the left and suddenly have a mix feeling in her heart once she sees a familiar figure standing in front of her room.

She takes little steps to approach him because what he’s doing right now is very strange in her eyes. Cho Kyuhyun presses his face so close to the observing glass in Sera’s room as if he’s checking something without trying to be caught. From his gesture Sera can tell that he’s trying to get a full sight of her room before he decided that it’s empty, Kyuhyun then slides the door open and let himself in.

Sera’s now standing in front of her room to watch Kyuhyun closely from the little window on the door and she’s crushed once she sees what he’s doing. The man is busy tidying up his stuffs, he randomly throws his clothes into his overnight bag.

Kyuhyun takes one more look into the room, making sure he left no stuff behind then he slides the door open.

“Kamchagia.” He drops his overnight bag once he saw Sera standing in front of him.

Sera’s eyes travel from his face down to the bag he just dropped on the floor. She knows what he’s doing and she thinks she understand the reason behind that.

“You… are you going somewhere?” She points the bag.

“Ne, I have to go home.” He replies coldly.

Sera lifts her head to look at the man in the eyes and she feels another squeezes in her heart once their eyes meet. He’s looking at her with the sharp look he gave her months ago, the warmness in his eyes has gone and Sera doesn’t need a commando to take a step back from him.

“Aa… I see… when will you return?” She tries her luck by asking the obvious.

Kyuhyun takes his bag and sling it on his shoulder. “I don’t know, I’m busy, Sera-ssi. Get well soon.”

He begins to take his step to leave her while she’s standing there not able to do anything. Sera watches Kyuhyun walks away from her and she’s busy thinking of the things she can do to fix the misunderstanding between them.

“Kyu, shall we have lunch together?” She asks the stupid thing.

“It’s 4 PM.” He replies without turning to see her.

“We can have some snack maybe?” She begins to walk towards him, in her heart somehow she knows, if she let him go this time he’ll never return. “For the last two days I had the old boring food, I’ve been wondering if you’d like to grab some snack with me.” She reaches into him and takes his hand.

Kyuhyun tries to walk faster but at the same time he doesn’t want to cause another scene of her collapsing in the hall again so he stops his step and looks at her. It’s painful for him to see her today, he can’t stop his anxiety of the image seeing Taecyeon and Sera being together again and he’s been reminded of the last conversation they had for the last two days. Taecyeon is here by her side from now on, so why would he bother to stay beside her? She gets what she wants already and Kyuhyun knows when to say goodbye.

“I don’t have time for that, let go of my hand Sera-ssi.” He commands her clear enough that she takes off her hand that’s holding him.

“Are you mad at me?”

“No.” he takes a look to the elevator when it stops on their floor. “I gotta go.” He fastens his steps to reach the lift, but Sera has run a little on his left side, still trying to reach out to him. “YA! ARE YOU STUPID? DO YOU KNOW WHAT EXESSIVE WORK OUT DOES TO YOUR HEART?! DO YOU WANT TO DIE THAT BADLY?!” He’s too annoyed with her recklessness and he snaps at her right there. In the hall where some nurses can see them squabble.

Sera stunned in her place. It’s not the first time Kyuhyun throws tantrum at her but this one is different. Kyuhyun has put all his frustration into his words and in translates harsher than it supposed to sound because the way he’s saying it.

She’s not an idiot, she knows it’s her cue to back out.

“I’m sorry. I was reckless and I didn’t really think of how my condition would affect you.” She pulls him stronger as she tries to make him listen to her. “Please listen to me this time and I won’t bother you again.”

Kyuhyun takes a deep breath and turns his body towards her. He raises his eyebrow as a sign to let her talk.

“About what happened yesterday, I’m sorry. I will take care of myself better from now on.”

She stares at him in the hope that he’ll say something back. After a while he just shrugs his shoulder and turn his body away from her again.

“Does it annoys you too much to talk to me right now?” She adds when they reach the elevator.

He presses the button and waits for the capsule to pick him up. “I don’t have time for this conversation.” he looks closely to the numbers displayed on the LED instead of looking at her. “I don’t have time to continuously look after a dying person.” He adds more bitterness into his words—and regrets that at once.

Sera begins to tear-up for the reason that she doesn’t quite understand, his words just stab her like knives. He’s right of course, who would want to waste their time watching over a sick person that doesn’t know how to be grateful. She learned the hard way that people stay beside her out of guilt instead of because they want to stay beside her and she’s sure that her best friend has gone tired of her and decided to go also.

She turns around, hiding her face from him, she doesn’t want him to see her cry. “Arraseo, I’m sorry to have wasted your time all this time. Please be safe, see you when I see you, Kyuhyun-a.” She then takes her wobbly steps towards her room.

It’ll be just like the old time, when she went through her days being alone while waiting for a good news about her donor. She’s the one that pushed people away anyway so she shouldn’t feel sad, right?

*

Kyuhyun is slapping his own head in his car. He’s still in the parking lot and he can’t go away from that place. Kyuhyun did turn around to look at Sera earlier as she left and that wobbly steps, head facing down and shaken shoulder, she’s not fooling anyone. He saw her alone, she was alone and Taecyeon wasn’t with her. But maybe he’s at work and he’ll return later in the evening. But why is she crying like that? How could she think she’s so smart to hide that tears from him?

Should he go up and check on her? Should he just swallow his pride and go to see her instead? He ignores his thought and starts to swift the car gear to get ready to leave. He was just about to reach the main gate when he spontaneously turns the steering wheel and return back to the parking lot. He can’t do this again, not anymore. He promised himself not to let her go this time, at least not like this. If Taecyeon is really staying by her side then he’ll voluntarily back out but until he confirms everything himself, he decided to stick around for some more.

In no time Kyuhyun has arrived in front of her door again, he takes a peek inside and notices Sera’s hiding beneath her blanket. he knows she’s crying and it because of him, his words were a bit harsh to her earlier and it might have hurt her feelings. He slides the door open and takes his steady steps closer to her bed, the closer he gets the clearer it is to him how hurt she is by him. She’s gasping and shaking heavily under the blanket and it pains him to see her in that state. He takes a seat next to her bed and carefully removes the blanket that covering her face.

Great, now he sees what kind of pain he has given her and he doesn’t like it. He never like seeing Sera cries and knowing that she cried because of him has torn him more.

“Kyu?” She’s too surprise to say anything else.

He leans toward her and helps her to sit up while she’s busy wiping her own tears.

“I was mean to you didn’t I?” He moves to sit on the side of her bed.

Sera shakes her head continuously. “No you don’t. I’m the mean one. How could I ask you to stay for a while, I know you must have been very busy. I’m sorry I’ve taken a lot of you precious time…”

“Sera-ya. Stop crying will you? It hurts to see you cry.”

Sera tries to stop her cry but still gasping for air from the frantic weeping she did earlier.

“Mian…” She keeps saying that word.

“Stop it. nothing to be apologized to, okay?” He wipes her leftover tears with his thumb. “I’m sorry also, I guess I was mad at you.”

“I think I know why you’re mad at me.” She snorts, “I…”

He places his hands on both of her shoulder. “Breathe Sera-ya, breathe. I will only talk to you once you’re calmed down.”

Sera closes her eyes and begins to count on her breathing, soon enough she’s able to stop crying.

“Will you explain yourself to me, Sera-ssi?” He begins to question her lawyer-style once she’s stop crying. “How did you end up collapsing on their waiting room?”

Sera nods, “I was heading to the café but the flower bouquets caught my attention. I was only checking to confirm Kyu, but then he saw me. I flew the scene as soon as I can and I think I ran a bit while doing that. Next thing I know the LVAD’s beeping and then you know the rest of the story.”

He takes a deep breath, he’s trying to find a way to ask the question he’s been dying to know without being too frontal about it.

“Kyu, can I ask you something?” she bites her lips nervously. “Were you so mad at me that night that you refused to checked on me?”

“I had to talk to the doctors when you’re awake, they need chronological report from me because I was the person that spent the whole day with you.”

She nods. “Doctor Song told me you entered the CICU, but I never met you.”

Kyuhyun smiles bitterly and nods along. “You had a visitor.”

Sera looks down once she has her suspicion confirmed. “So you decided to just leave?”

“I see no point of being the third wheel there.” He quickly answers her.

“Is that why you’re so angry at me?”

He looks at her in the eyes, he’s too proud to answer honestly but he knows this could go on forever if he doesn’t point his finger on the problem first.

“You were worried if you still got what it takes to impress men the other day, let me tell you something, you still get it. You went on a date with me during the day and you let him embrace you at night.” Kyuhyun has thrown his pride altogether and he doesn’t give a fuck about it. He never felt so relieved for speaking up his mind in his whole life.

Sera’s offended by his words but she keeps her straight face. “I see no point to defense myself. What you said was right, I did let him embrace me that night. Maybe because I was literally helpless—I could barely move Kyu.”

“Don’t give me that excuse, Han Sera. And it’s fine by the way, you don’t have to explain anything to me, I’m not your lover or anythi—”

“You’re crueler than me though.” She stares back at him. “You took me out on a date, you made me feel like I worth something then kissed me.” She bites her lips again when she’s reminded about their kiss, “The next day you vanished and today you pack your bags and leave me. Neo daebak Kyuhyun-a.”

Kyuhyun feels his own face is blushing when she reminded him about the kiss they shared, he has been cursing himself in the past two days for doing that. He felt like a hopeless idiot that’s begging for her love whenever he remembers about that.

“Stop talking like the kiss means anything to you Sera-ya.” He smirks trying to hide his embarrassment.

Suddenly Sera feels like she’s been played. Was it really meant nothing to him? did he do it just for fun? Or was the kiss just his way gets over his curiosity over her? Sera never felt angrier at herself, how could she let one kiss messing up with her head and takes away her rationality? She tightens her fist and before she knows it, she starts throwing her weak punches to Kyuhyun.

“Ya! How dare you? How dare you play with my feeling like this Kyuhyun-ssi? If you’re just playing with me, you don’t have to go to that extend. I know I hurt you in the past but I never deceived you like this!” her tears begin to form again in the corner of her eyes.

What she said has formed a lot of new questions in his head. He’s not a person that used to have girls confessing to him, no one ever confessed to him. he doesn’t want to take her words in a wrong way, what if she didn’t mean to confessed but she just pissed because Kyuhyun denies the kiss meant anything to him.

Kyuhyun catches her fist and hold it close to his heart. “Stop punching me Han Sera, your fist’s too weak to hurt me anyway.”

“You’re mean.” Her tone has gone higher because she starts to cry again, “You can’t just kiss someone and said it means nothing to you.”

Kyuhyun opens her fist that he’s holding in his hand and place her palm on top of his heart. “Can you fell it? or do I need to borrow one of doctor Song’s gadget so you know how fast my heart beats whenever you’re around?”

Sera stop crying at once and focus herself to the man in front of her.

“It goes crazy like this since the first time I saw you, Sera-ya. But I know you don’t share the same feeling so I let you go.” Kyuhyun wishes the ground will open up and swallow him instead of continuing his speech. “I don’t want to be the reason for your unhappiness and as coward as it sounds, I’d rather step back from your life if you chose to be with him.”

“But I…”

“Let me finish, it’s not easy for me to do this.” He continuously tries to calm himself down, “All you have to do is ask Sera-ya. If you ask me to stay beside you then I promise, I’ll do my best to be around. Just say the words and I’m yours.”

Sera jaws drops as she learns that Kyuhyun is actually confessing to her, now she’s the one that’s nervous. She didn’t know when it started, what she knows is the fact her heart beats a little faster than usual whenever he’s around her, she’s disappointed when she didn’t see him visiting her, she’s been waiting for him and she can feel her blood circulating mostly on her face at the moment.

“Kyu…”

“No no no… don’t answer right now, give me 5 seconds to breath.” Kyuhyun shuts his eyes and closes both of his ears with his hands, he’s too nervous to listen to her answer and deep inside he knows he’s not ready with another rejection.

Sera let him takes his five seconds and when he’s done counting she let herself leans towards him to give him a soft kiss on his cheek.

Kyuhyun opens his eyes in surprise, what just happened? Did she just kiss him on his cheek? Why is he being excited over something like this? he’s not an elementary student that just received his first kiss. But that’s exactly how he feels inside.

“Please stay beside me, Kyuhyun-a. You’ve been staying beside me long before any of this mess happened. Don’t let our stupidity and misunderstanding separate us one more time. I—I can’t imagine living my live without your presence one more time.” She smiles innocently to him. “I can’t promise much this time, because I’m healing from my heartache and also trying to get cured from my heart failure. But I swear to you that I’ll do my best. I’ll do my best to recover and get well, I’ll do my best to be a better woman and I’ll do my best to open my heart. Is that enough to keep you around?”

He can’t hold back any longer. He places his palm behind her neck and pull himself closer to her and give her a kiss she deserves. His heart feels like it’s about to explode once their kiss gets more intense. Kyuhyun can’t remember ever being as happy as Sera has made him feel today.

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2 thoughts on “(Eng.) Piles of Regrets – Part 12

  1. Seo HaYeon says:

    omo omo….. After fallin’ my tears, then I have a big smile on my face…. Ooou…. So sweet….. 🙂
    Let’s being together and throw away all of missunderstanding! Sera… please realize that your feeling is a kind of L.O.V.E hahaha…. I’m so excited!! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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