(Eng.) Piles of Regrets – Part 11

Author: Ssihobitt

Category: Short Chaptered, Romance, Sad

Main Cast: Han Sera & Cho Kyuhyun

Supporting Cast: Ok Taecyeon

Sera’s fully conscious now and she knows where she is for sure, the smell of sterilized chamber, the beeping sound from her left, the cold fuses that she feels on her skin, the tube that’s attached to her nose, she just collapsed again and now she’s in the CICU one more time. She blinks several times to look into her surrounding and she tries hard to remember what just possibly happened that led her into this care unit.

The vision of the flower bouquets flies in her mind, she’s now reminded of the look of Taecyeon when he saw her, she recalls running from him until he caught her and she’s sure she collapsed in front of him. She wails in frustration, not because the truth she just learns about Taecyeon’s wedding but because she believes now he knows what’s going on with her.

“Sera-ssi, do you feel pain anywhere?” Her intern doctor approach her after she hears the patient wailing.

Sera shakes her head slowly, she then closes her eyes again.

Her initial thought is to find Kyuhyun to tell him that she’s okay and she also needs to apologize to him for being reckless. She’s sure Kyuhyun’s waiting in misery outside not knowing what’s happening with her. The man has apparently play an important part in her life and she should share her near-death experience with him. However, she also remembers that Taecyeon saw everything. In between her consciousness she was aware that his bride had helped pumped her heart and she can’t get rid of Taecyeon’s expression either when he saw Sera in emergency state.

“Sera-ssi, you have a visitor.” The intern informs her before letting a man enters the room.

Sera ready herself to take scolding from her best friend. She turns her head to her right and her heart sinks a bit when she notices it’s not Kyuhyun that enters the room.

Taecyeon takes his wobbly steps towards her, the man has been crying all night and seeing the state that she’s in at the moment doesn’t help either. He just got back from taking his bride home, he didn’t have time to explained himself to the families just yet because he rushed himself back to the hospital and Yoona is covering him from receiving the elders’ angry reactions when he left. He has to know that she’s okay—well, she’s not okay but he needs to know if she’ll survive the night.

“Sera-ya,” He takes a seat and grabs her hand, “I’m sorry. Oh my God I’m sorry.” His cry breaks at once.

Sera knew this will happen, this is one the reason why she doesn’t want to tell him in the first place, he’ll be torn into pieces once he knew and Taecyeon behavior in front of her confirms her worry.

One other reason why she refused to let him know about her condition is because she doesn’t want to be pitied for what happened to her. If she told him about her heart condition years ago, Sera’s certain that he will stay by her side and go through the battle together, but Sera doesn’t want him around just because he has to.

“Oppa… you have nothing… to apologized to…” She’s still taking her time to speak out a sentence.

“I’ll be here from now on, I’ll be by your side Sera-ya. It won’t be easy and I’ll hurt some innocent people but you need me and I’ll be here for you.” He’s not even sure of what he’s saying, one thing he’s certain about is he wants her to recover.

She shakes her head but Taecyeon already stands up to caress her. “Take your time to recover, don’t over work yourself, please.” He then lowers himself to kiss her on her forehead. “We’ll go through this together Sera-ya, I’ll fix you.”

Tears falls down from her eyes, she never expects this to happen and it seemed like her wildest fantasy became reality in front of her. Taecyeon is here, she has nothing to worry about from now on because she knows when he says he’ll be here, he won’t go anywhere. But deep inside she knows she’s not crying because her dream just came true, she hasn’t been able to put her finger on the matter just yet but she chose to keep her silence for now.

Without them knowing, Kyuhyun is outside the room witnessing the scene he dreaded the most. His heart is crushed but it wasn’t as bad as the first time, he’s an adult now so he can manage his wound better than the last time.

He takes his steps away from the CICU, Sera is now in a good hand and she doesn’t need him anymore. He’s done his part and now it’s Taecyeon’s turn to take over taking care for her. He keeps convincing himself that what he’s doing right now is the best for Sera and he decided let the girl of his dream go, for the second time.

He feels like he’s doing the right thing and yet he can’t deny the tears that’s flooding his eyes.

*

The next morning, the doctors declared Sera is stable enough to be moved out from the CICU so they put her back into her room. Taecyeon hasn’t sleep a bit nor leave her side during the time she’s recovering and now is his first time to see her ward.

He soon learns that the boxes she’s been packing are now in the ward, she has make this hospital her second home and tries to make herself comfortable in it. Taecyeon lets himself to seat on the couch until he realizes that the stuffs pile up on top of it doesn’t belong to Sera. There’s no way Sera would need a razor, oversized jacket and a room sandals the size of man’s feet. He takes an uncomfortable conclusion that the stuffs actually belong to Kyuhyun and that affirms the fact of he’s staying here with her for a while.

It takes a while for Sera to live with the idea that Taecyeon is here with her, he’s here for her. Yesterday he’s wearing a wedding tux and today he said he’ll be by her side. It’s too good to be true and she’s aware of that. This happiness she feels at the moment is an illusion that will end soon.

She understands how restless Taecyeon is, who’s now trying to make himself comfortable on the couch that Kyuhyun usually sleep on. He must have gone through a lot of troubles to be here with her and that thought alone is enough for her to speak her mind.

“Oppa, you haven’t take any rest at all. You should sleep at least.” Sera notices the black shadow under his eyes socket.

“I can rest later when you rest.” He comes closer to her and sit on the chair beside her bed.

“Oppa, you should go home, you’re not supposed to be here.”

Taecyeon smiles bitterly at her. “Are you expecting someone else?” He can’t help not to point out to the pile of men clothing on the couch.

Sera noticed how annoyed he is with Kyuhyun’s stuff but she just smiles along. “It belongs to Kyuhyun. He’s been staying here for a while.” She admits.

“Yeah I noticed.” He tries to find a word that doesn’t translate to jealousy. ““Are you with him? I mean not like it’s my business or anything, it’s just shocking…”

“He’s my best friend from college.” Sera lifts both of her shoulder nonchalantly. “Have you seen him? he must have panicked from what happened yesterday, I must apologize to him.” She’s been wondering why her best friend is not around when she opens her eyes.

“So you two knew each other from back then, which is why he’s staying beside you? Funny how he helped me to divorce you then swoops in to take over.” He failed his attempt not to be jealous.

Sera chuckles, she hasn’t really talked to Taecyeon for a while and arguing with him is one of the thing she misses the most. “He’s not what you think he is. He was actually trying to brought me down when he found me here. Oppa, I’ll tell you everything but promise me not to be mad, ne?”

He reluctantly agrees even though hearing the romance between Sera and Kyuhyun is the last thing he wants to hear.

“He had a thing for me during our college year and he felt deceived when I suddenly got engaged to you whom I just met for a week. So when he helped you divorcing me, he was being super sincere to you—believe me, the man loathed me. He tracked my alimony usage and figured out my unusual way to withdraw the money and he followed me on the day he knew how I scammed you—I’ll explain later. That day, I led him into this hospital and he soon found out I’m a cardiac patient here. I think his anger vanished once he knew I’m helplessly dying and he’s been by my side ever since.” She explains chronologically.

Taecyeon is trying to absorb her explanation that doesn’t make sense to him, Sera’s trying to scam him? Kyuhyun knew this and tries to bring her down but ended up taking care of her instead?

“Oppa, don’t be mad at him, he’s just trying to do his job well. The fact that he found me in this state later on was accidental and I strongly asked him not to tell you. So if you’re trying to be mad at somebody, just be mad at me.”

He sighs and changes his seating potion, leaning into Sera closer. “I’m mad at you Han Sera, believe me, I’m extremely furious. I can’t believe you put me in the dark with all these facts lying around.” He begins to feel the familiar heat in his eyes, he’s tired of crying yet his tears seem to keep pouring out. “How could you? What do you expect to happen? what were you thinking when you went through treatments alone? I could’ve been beside you, I could’ve…”

“Oppa, can we talk about that matters later? I just want to rest.” Sera doesn’t want to see him cry for more. She also knows the sooner they have ‘the talk’, the sooner she has to end this and she’d like to buy a little—just a little—more time for a closure.

Taecyeon’s still afraid of her vital condition so he reluctantly agrees with her, “Ng, okay you should take some rest. I’ll go take some rest also.” He gets up from his chair to head towards the couch but Sera holds his hand.

“Taec oppa,”

“Ng?”

“I’m sorry I deceived you, I never meant to harm you.”

Taecyeon moves his arms to caress her hair then slips some of her messy hair behind her ear. “No, I contributed a lot in this mess also, so no need to apologized, nothing will change from an apology anyway.”

“What ifs. That’s what we have left to question each other now, right?” She lifts her hand to wipe the tears on Taecyeon’s face.

*

Doctors keep has been checking up on her every now and then to make sure she’s stabilized and her heart always skips a beat whenever her door is open. She’s expecting someone to visit her and the person she’s waiting for hasn’t really make an appearance. Is he busy today? No, he usually always tries to make time for her, at least during lunch time because since Sera collapsed the first time, he’s been re-scheduling all lunch meetings he has. Could he be mad at her? Because she was reckless and has worried him too much?

A nurse comes inside to bring her lunch that doesn’t look appetizing, it’s a steamed fish on top of a porridge. She sighs, yesterday she had the best burger in her life and today she’s back to be a sick person that can’t have trans-fat in her diet.

“Let’s eat, Sera-ya.” Taecyeon lifts up the spoon and prepares himself to feed her. She refuses the gesture as he pushes the spoon over to her face.

“Dweso oppa, I’m not a kid, I can eat by myself.” She takes the spoon and shove the porridge into her mouth herself. “You should find something to eat, the cafeteria is downstairs.”

He’s confused by her attitude but he takes her bad mood as a way she’s delivering her anger.

“Shireo, I’ll watch over you.” He sits on her bed behind her over-bed table.

“I’m fine,” she lifts her arms and wiggle them in the air, “See? I can move freely and I have no problem with it, the worse has passed Taecyeon-ssi.”

“But you should rest, don’t work yourself out too much.” He’s about to grab the spoon back from her hand.

That’s it! Sera has had enough. She’s been bothered with this since last night Taecyeon said he’ll be on her side and it’s time for her to clarify things. She slams the spoon onto the table in front of her, Taecyeon jumps a little in his seat, he didn’t expect her to be this annoyed.

“Oppa, let’s have ‘the talk’ shall we?”

“What talk?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know.” She takes a deep breath, “So this is how it’s gonna goes, I tell you my thoughts and after I’m finished you tell me your thoughts. We’ll take turn to talk, okay? I find it more decent and we won’t scream at each other too much that way.”

Taecyeon has no idea what she means but nods anyway.

“Okay, my turn first.” She places her palm on her chest and prepares her speech. “Let’s stop this.”

“Ne?”

“Stop this. You’ve been by my side for less than 24 hours and I never felt so burdened in my life. What were you thinking oppa? You’re supposed to be on your honeymoon with your new bride, she must be so confused looking for you…”

“She’s… I… well, we haven’t been married technically. You see, yesterday…”

“YA! OK TAECYEON! DO YOU WANT ME TO SCOLD YOU? JUST BECAUSE I’M SICK DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T THROW SOME FISTS TO YOU.”

“Why are you being mad at me? I’m here for you…”

“AND YOU THINK THAT’S WHAT I WANT?” She’s managing her breath before continuing her speech.

“But I have to take care of you.”

“And what a difference would that make?”

“I…”

“So what you’re trying to tell me is you left your bride in the altar? After she tried to save me, you left her just like that?”

“Look, it’s not as bad as it sounds…”

Sera slides the table to the side and signs Taecyeon to sit nearer to her with her fingers. He follows her order and once he’s within her reach, she tweaks his ear until he whimpers in pain.

“Not as bad as it sounds? It sounds worse than that! Neo jinjja oppa, seriously what were you thinking?!”

He takes her hand that’s clinging on his ear and hold it in front of his chest. “I feel that I should make this up to you. I’ve done nothing but giving you a lot of pain during your hard times, I’m still your guardian Sera-ya, you’re still my responsibility and it’s time for me to do things that I should’ve done years ago…”

“Do you think by staying by my side I’d be cured right away? I can’t really say this to you last night because it was hard for me to breath, leave alone to talk. But I’m better now and I feel like I have to tell you this: those things in your heroic speech are the thing you should have done—past tense oppa!”

“and I’d like to…”

“I’m not done talking, we’re taking turns remember?” She clenches her jaw tighter. “Life goes on and we happened to part ways, it’s over oppa, we’re done.” She can’t believe she just said that. These whole time she wished Taecyeon to stay beside her, but the moment he’s actually by her side she’s pushing him away—and to her surprise it’s not too hard for her to do the right thing.

“It’s never over for me, Sera-ya.”

Sera smirks cynically. “We signed the divorce paper together oppa.”

He studies his ex-wife closely, did he hurt her that much to the point she’s tired of him? He recalls very well how she acted a day before their final hearing, he even recalls how shocked she was yesterday when she learned about his wedding. How is this the same girl in front of him?

“Is it about Kyuhyun?” He can’t keep avoiding that fact. “Have you moved on from me? He has replaced me, isn’t he?” The pain in his eyes are crystal clear for Sera to see.

She shakes her head. “Oppa, you’re the one and only Taecyeon for me and you’re irreplaceable. We both know that we loved each other, but our time has run out oppa. We had our chance and we blew it, there’s no coming back for that.”

“What if I’d like to risk everything and give us another chance?”

Sera will be lying if she’s not tempted by his charming words, in an ideal world maybe she’d say yes and jumps onto him to wrap her arms around him and never let go. But the world she’s living is not ideal and it seems like she has to be the mean one this time.

“I don’t want to.” She tries to delivers her words as coldly as possible.

The words were short but strong enough to make Taecyeon lost his words to argue with her.

“I don’t want to give us another chance,” She continues her lies, “It happened oppa, Shit happened and we ended up like this. You said so yourself that we’ve put ourselves into this mess that can’t be fixed.”

“That was before…”

“Before you knew I’m dying? Is that why you’re here now? Because you might feel sorry if you don’t do anything? Because you’re afraid you’ll drown in piles of regrets if I die and you didn’t get a chance to help?” Sera still attempting to give her best strong act in front of him. “I don’t need you. If I needed you, I’d asked you to stay from the beginning, but I didn’t. I’ve done this for more than a year and I did well myself oppa, so trust me when I say I don’t need you to be around.”

Taecyeon’s ready to tackle her words but Sera lifts her hand signaling him not to talk.

“It’s time to end this oppa, we’ve allowed ourselves to be selfish and it’s time to stop. I don’t know what happened to your bride and I don’t want to know. I want you—I demand you—to take responsibility over her. If you want your second chance to fix it all, fix what you have with her while you still can. Stop running away from your problems this time.”

“I thought this is what you want.” He’s fighting his own tears from falling. He can’t believe that Han Sera is breaking up with him for real this time.

“When you’re dying, you’ll start to sort your life by ‘what you need’ instead of ‘what you want’. I don’t need you oppa. Honestly I really can’t wait for you to leave me alone right now, it’s suffocating to have you here with me, I’m exhausted and it’s troubling my mind so much…”

“I’ll pretend to never heard what you said and I’ll give you one more chance to be honest to me Sera-ya.” He cups her face with his palm, turning her head to face him and forcing her eyes to look at his.

Sera takes a deep breath several times before she says the right thing.

“Go. Stop this and go, I don’t need you and I don’t want you here.” Her heart is hurting but she managed to keep a straight face. “Oppa, if what you need is a closure—a proper closure—to our love story, then let this be our closure. It’s over Taecyeon-ssi, what we had is broken and there’s nothing we can do to fix it, so let’s stop, ne? The longer we dwell in this, the longer we’ll hurt each other and more people will also get hurt. So enough, okay? Let’s end it here for real.”

It takes a moment for Taecyeon to completely absorbs what she said. He felt small in front of her already and now he feels like he’s nothing. Of course Sera will kick him away, he’s done nothing to prove that he deserves to be by her side.

“If I go, will that make you feel better?”

Sera nods quickly. “Please leave so I can get some rest.”

Taecyeon takes his hands away from Sera and stands up. “Okay.” This is not easy for him but he can’t force Sera to take him back with open arms.

He takes his steps towards the door and turns around one more time to check on her, “You’re free to call me anytime in case you change your mind, take some time to think about that.”

“Don’t bother to wait for that call oppa, I won’t.” She pulls her blanket closer to her as she lays herself on the bed.

She’s covering her whole body with the blanket when she finally able to cries her eyes out once Taecyeon closed the door behind him.

“You did great Sera, you did great. This is the least you can do to prevent more people from getting hurt.” She talks to herself while patting her own chest. “You did great, Sera.” She keeps on cheering for herself to hides her pain.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “(Eng.) Piles of Regrets – Part 11

  1. Seo HaYeon says:

    hiks… I can see glasses on my eyes *Mwoya* Huaaa…. I hold my tears as Sera did and fall it when Sera covered in blanket! Hommmaaaa…. Sera needs Kyuhyun..! Kyuhyunn…. please bring Kyuhyun back… Anyone please bring Kyuhyun back 😦

    Like

  2. bluebelle701 says:

    Part tanpa Kyuhyun… Tapi menurutku keputusan Sera udah pas… Taecyeon cuma takut bkl menyesal dan jadi pahlawan kesiangan buat Sera…

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s