(Eng.) Piles of Regrets – Part 6

Author: Ssihobitt

Category: Short Chaptered, Romance, Sad

Main Cast: Han Sera & Cho Kyuhyun

Supporting Cast: Ok Taecyeon

Taecyeon’s checking his hair one more time in the mirror. It’s been eight weeks since he knew Yoona and now they’re officially dating for the first time. He’s waiting for her in her luxurious apartment lobby.

Something in Taecyeon’s subconscious mind is telling him that what he’s doing is very wrong. How could he move on so quickly from Han Sera? He’s still missing her presence every night and how could he agreed to this stupid idea his parents have.

Yoona is pretty, graceful and kind but she’s not Sera. She’s not goofy enough, she’s not daring enough, she’s not as fearless and not as good as Sera, no one will ever be as spectacular as Sera to him. However, the pressure he gets from his parents are enough to make him agreed on dating the girl he just met several weeks ago. Taecyeon sometimes wonder how could he be so crazy to ask Sera to marry him only after a week of knowing her, and the crazier thing is the fact she said yes.

Sera managed to mess with his mind with her sweet look that fooled him for a bit, at first when he saw her, he thought Sera was a ladylike girl that can’t do any boyish activity—which she proved to be very wrong. Taecyeon had the most fun when he spent his days with her, even until the end of their relationship, Han Sera still gave him the kind of excitement she gave him when they first met. Most of the night he regrets his decision to divorce her. He thought he shouldn’t be over-sensitive with the situation, maybe he should’ve let her explain herself—Taecyeon believed in her, and the little voice in his mind knew for sure that she’s not cheating on him. He mostly regrets his selfishness, especially after Sera mentioned how sorry she was for losing their baby.

He knew he hasn’t been a great husband during her post-miscarriage time, he knew he should’ve stayed beside her and support her. He shouldn’t pull himself away and make her think he hated her and blamed her for what happened. Because he didn’t. He was too weak to look at her in the eyes, because he felt it was his fault that led to the accident. If he didn’t ask her to shop that night, if he’s not too lazy to park the car and pick her from the store himself, all of his regrets piles up and the outcome was his bad attitude toward his wife.

His ex-wife, how much he misses her right now.

Earlier this morning he rounded their old apartment in the hope of catching a glimpse of Han Sera. He knew he’s supposed to go pick up Yoona but he’s hoping to see his ex-wife by the apartment complex, simply just to see if she’s okay. He wants to know if she’s as miserable as he is right now, he wants to makes sure he’s given her enough to live by. Because he can’t move on from her and he never will.

“Oppa, have you been waiting?” Yoona greet him gracefully.

Taecyeon’s awake from his daydream about his ex-wife and pay attention to the pretty girl in front of him. She’s wearing a white long-sleeved dress with a brown ankle length gladiator sandals. Sure everyone who see her will say she’s pretty and Taecyeon will be in denial if he says she’s not pretty. But then again, he was once married to the prettiest girl in his eyes and nothing can change that.

“I was just arrived.” He offers his arm for her to hold on to while they’re walking to the car.

“Oppa, I have a good news.” She looks at him with a big winning smile.

“What is it?”

“I’m accepted as intern in a great hospital, in the pediatric department. It’s a dream come true.” She almost jumps out of excitement.

Taecyeon has put on his best acting face and plays along with her. “Really? Congratulations! Shall we celebrate today?”

“Ne!” She widens her eyes excitedly, “can we also go to my future work place? I want to look around if that’s possible.”

“Sure, we can do that.”

*

Sera’s is busy reading the new book Kyuhyun just got her, this is pretty much sums up her everyday life, when she’s waiting for a bunch of doctors to check on her, she tries to find some interesting activities to fill her day and she’s to the point of desperation of finding new activities, now she’s seriously considering to learn knitting. However, it’s much better for her that she has something to wait for in the end of the week. Kyuhyun tries to come every day especially during lunch hour but he can’t do that when he’s dealing with his clients like this very day. Although he always makes time for her in the weekend.

To Sera, Kyuhyun’s presence has been the best thing that happened to her in a while. She knew they had rough years behind them, but knowing Kyuhyun has moved on from his own contempt really made Sera’s life easier lately.

Of course his presence will never be able to replace what Taecyeon was for Sera, but she’s grateful still. It’s comforting to have somebody beside her every time she has to enter the big scary machine they called MRI, it’s nice that she can talk to a real person, she’s delighted for not having to have lunch alone in her room. It was like college all over again, the only difference is that she’s dying so it makes their activities limited.

In the past five weeks Sera’s condition has been better that her doctors decided to disconnect her heart monitor, therefore she can move around a little bit more than she used to—although she only allowed to get out of her room only if someone’s with her. But Sera never the person who really obey rules, since she’s been in this hospital long enough, she knows the time when security are most lacking.

After she’s tired reading her book, she decided to go on her little adventure around the hospital. She’s not planning to go out to a shopping center or anything since Kyuhyun already help her to withdraws her alimony in a considerable and less suspicious way. Sera’s plan is only to round the hospital once, getting a more tasteful bites from the cafeteria—the patient food is tasteless for her. She’s too bored being locked up in her own room and hasn’t got the chance to enjoy her favorite season just yet.

She slides her ward door slowly to see if anyone notices, once she’s sure the nurses are too busy checking on their monitors, she tiptoes towards the lift to bring her down to the hospital back garden. Sera can imagine how annoyed Kyuhyun will be if he knows what she’s doing at the moment. Her up-tight friend obviously doesn’t like the idea of Sera walking around the hospital alone without a guardian. Sera just smiles to herself imagining how his face would look like when she tells him her story.

Ten minutes later—well, she can’t walk that fast anymore, she needs to maintain her heart rate—she arrived in the garden and choose to seat under a cherry blossom tree.

Her mind’s wandering to the last time she spent her time under this kind of tree in the Seoul forest. She was with Taecyeon and everything was so perfect. She still remembers every single detail of what’s going on that day. The familiar pain strikes her every time she reminded of him, she’ll be lying if she says she has moved on because truthfully she’s far from moving on. She wears his leather jacket every day—even now—and sometimes she would dream of him. Sera has a wild fantasy which involves Taecyeon knowing what’s going on with her and he decided to stay by her side. In her fantasy Taecyeon would rip apart their divorce paper and declares that he’s her husband still. The ending of her fantasy is always good, in her dream she gets a new heart and it only takes her few months to fully recovered. After her recovery Sera takes Taecyeon’s hand with her and ask him to renew their vow. And they live happily ever after.

As if.

If living her live is as easy as writing a script for a drama, Sera would already win her battle with her heart, yet here she is, in the hospital back garden letting all of her senses enjoy spring that she loves so much while waiting for a good news about her heart transplant.

A little while later the spring rain begins to fall, a cue for her to get back into her ward, it’ll be too suspicious if she’s soaking wet in her room. Sera gets in from the back door, still maintaining her pace and slowly reach the elevator. While waiting for the lift to arrive at her floor she looks around the floor and recognizes somebody she’s been missing all these time.

For a second, she thought it was just her wild fantasy that fools her. But the closer they get to her, the more Sera believes she’s not dreaming.

It’s Taecyeon, her first love, her ex-husband that just divorced her several months ago. But he’s not alone, beside him a stunningly beautiful woman walk hand in hand with him. They both are laughing as if it’s a wonderful day for them.

Sera doesn’t want to get caught by him in this hospital while wearing a patient dress, looking pale and awful the way she is at the moment. She wouldn’t be able to compare herself to the woman beside him.

She’s definitely taller than Sera, her legs are longer than hers—She bets herself Taecyeon loves those legs more than he loved hers, she’s more graceful than Sera, she’s prettier than her, and what’s that?! Can a girl smile really make everything bright? Because that’s how Sera looks at it.

The woman beside him, whoever she is, is the heathy much better looking replacement for her. Judging from her appearance Sera knew that the girl beside him comes from a wealthy family. Her purse, her dress, her shoes, those thing altogether could’ve pay for a month of her treatment.

“Oppa, I’ll be working on the third floor.” Sera overheard them talking.

“Ng, shall we check?”

Kajja. Let’s take the elevator.” The girl leans in closer to Taecyeon as he rounds his hand on her shoulder.

That’s another cue for Sera to hide. She takes some steps backward from the elevator and hides herself behind a wall.

The familiar pain strikes her again, only this time was the worst amongst all. She can feel a lump forming in her throat as she tries to hold her tears.

Three months, that’s the time it takes for Taecyeon to replace her. If she already feels small before, she feels like she’s nothing at the moment.

To her, dying doesn’t sound like a bad idea anymore.

*

Kyuhyun is waiting patiently for his order, he’s thinking of spending a night in the hospital tonight and he knows how much Sera hates hospital food, so for tonight he’s packing a mini cheesecake for her. He knows her addiction to dessert and maybe this cake will lighten up her mood.

His phone rings while he’s waiting, the number is unknown but he picks up anyway.

Yeoboseyo?”

“Cho Kyuhyun-ssi?”

Majayo, who is this?”

“Seoul Hospital. Han Sera-ssi is crashing, we’ve taken her to CICU and she’s receiving emergency treatment as we speak…”

Kyuhyun doesn’t take another second to think, he gets out of the cake shop, into his car and goes full throttle to reach the hospital as soon as he can.

*

Kyuhyun has been skipping work for three days while he’s waiting for Han Sera waking up from her coma. He’s so furious that he can’t even sleep at night. How could she, how could she be so reckless to leave her room. She knew how dangerous her situation is and she acted like she didn’t give a fuck about it.

The doctor had explained to him how they found her. She was on the ground floor when a nurse from a different station noticed a patient lying on the floor soaking wet while grabbing her chest, gasping for air. The nurse brought her to the emergency room, and later told by the patient bracelet attached to her wrist that she’s the patient from the cardiology department.

According to her doctor, Han Sera crashed because she’s pushing herself too far, she isn’t supposed to walk too far and too fast, because walking can increase the cardio activity—something she should avoid at the time being.

“We injected morphine straight into her heart and some other fluid to lower her heart beat. If it went on longer than that, her heart would give up and we’d lost her.” Doctor Song explained the emergency procedure to Kyuhyun. But he doesn’t care about the steps they took to save her, he didn’t understand those medical stuff anyway.

“But how? How could she be on the ground floor? She’s supposed to be on your watch!” He was too angry to speak respectfully to her doctor.

Doctor Song bows apologetically towards him. “It was our fault, it won’t happen again in the future.”

Kyuhyun blames himself for not being with her at the time, she must be lonely and wanted to get some air so she decided to walk by herself. He usually takes Sera out of her room on the wheelchair to the cafeteria—as long as the food is still heathy she’s allowed to eat it. That day Kyuhyun really had to meet his client at the court and it was impossible for him to ditch the hearing.

He didn’t thought Sera would rebel and push herself over her limit.

But then again, this is Han Sera, the girl has nothing to fear of and dying definitely doesn’t change her attitude towards challenge.

“Cho Kyuhyun-ssi, she’s awake.” Doctor Song informs him about the newest condition. “In the meantime, please don’t question her about anything. Let her get some rest.”

“Thank you, doctor. I’ll be going then.”

Instead of going into the CICU, Kyuhyun left the hospital and goes to his house instead. He’s too emotional to see Sera now, he’s too angry—with her and himself, and he knows how bad his reaction will be once he sees her. Knowing she survived the heart attack was enough for him, he’ll see her tomorrow when he’s less furious and has gotten enough sleep.

*

The moment Kyuhyun walks into her room, Sera knows how angry he is with her. His eagle eyes pierce her with the scariest look she hasn’t seen in a while. From what she heard, she’s been unconscious for three days and he’s been waiting for her to wake up for that amount of time also. Yet, he only shows up to see her the next day. This is classic Kyu, he hides his anger first before he shows up in front of her to pretend nothing has happened.

He takes his seat beside her and pretends to look around uncomfortably. She’s still in an intense care, so he has to wear a green ICU gown and a mask to visit her. Sera’s not wearing an oxygen mask the way she was the first time, instead a breathing tube inserted straight into her nose.

“Kyu. Mian.” She whispers softly.

He feels like throwing her his tantrum but keep himself at peace. “What for?”

“Made you worry.”

“I didn’t have lunch with you for a day, and this is how you reacted?” He tries his best to hide his rage and tease her instead. He looks at her in the eyes. He chose to be mad at her silently, he knows Sera understand his gaze at the moment, she knows how angry he is.

Sera watched him closely thinking how blessed she is at the moment for having him beside her. Even if he’s very mad at her, he’s still here to cheer her up the next day.

“Ya! Don’t cry! I’m not coming here to see you cry Han Sera.” Kyuhyun notices tears fall down from her face. “Arraseo, I’m done being mad at you. I forgive you, stop crying now.” He pats Sera’s head trying to calm her down. Her heart monitor’s beeping faster if she cries and that’s the last thing he needs to hear.

Sera’s not crying because of him, she’s crying because she remembers about the nightmare she saw three days ago. She couldn’t get rid of their image from her head. How happy they look together, the way he wraps his hand on her shoulder, or the fact he’s moving on from her. The more she remembers the more tears flows down from her eyes.

“Sera-ya, please stop crying, ne? I’m sorry for being mad at you, I’m sorry I didn’t come right away after they said you’re conscious. I guess I needed time to calm myself down.” He innocently assumes it’s his fault that she cries.

Sera shakes her head, trying to tell him that it’s not his fault that she cries. She wants to tell him what she saw but at the same time telling him that would mean she admits what she saw. She in the early stage of her grieve—according to Kübler-Ross Model—denial. She convinced herself that it was just her imagination that fooled her that day and she believes Taecyeon still needs some time to get over her before he’s able to find a replacement. After all, Sera heard once that the amount of times it takes to move on from someone is half the total time of relationship they have, so for Taecyeon it supposed to be around two years later until he moves on.

“Is it painful? Is that why you cry?” Kyuhyun steps closer to her, “oedi appo?” he wipes her tears with his thumb.

Sera grabs his hand and hold it tight as if she needs something to keep her on the ground. “I’m scared.”

Kyuhyun can feel his own tears starts to form up on his eyes. Of course she’s scared. She’s going through these all alone and he wasn’t there when she crashed. Of course she’s scared, she went into coma for three days, she could’ve gone without him ever get a chance to tell her what she means for him. “Mian, next time I will make sure not to have a meeting during lunch time.”

“It’s not because of that, Kyu. You don’t have to—”

“I want to. If you let me, I’d stay by your side Sera-ya.”

Sera figures it’s too hard for her to speak her mind since she’s still half-conscious and Kyuhyun’s too frantic to talk calmly with her. So she just nods along and wishes she can get out of this intensive unit as soon as possible. She doesn’t like the gloom in this room, nor the tube that’s hurting her windpipe.

*

Taecyeon slam the door behind him and throw himself onto his bed. He can’t believe what he just heard from his parents today: they want him to marry Yoona as soon as he can. It’s business matter obviously and Yonna’s parents has been pushing this matter into his parents ever since they met.

According to Yoona’s parents, Taecyeon is a catch. He’s young and good looking, he owns his family business, he’s an eligible successor, and perfectly single—Taecyeon parents refused to admit their son was once married. According to Taecyeon’s parents Yoona is also a perfect wife for him. She’s pretty, she’s a doctor, her parents are Taecyeon’s father’s business partner, and she likes him. Nothing is more perfect than joining two people who like each other in the hand of marriage. Those reasons alone were enough for both parties to agree on doing an engagement party soon enough.

What makes Taecyeon mad was not because his parents push him on his relationship with Yoona, he’s angry because he agreed to do it. What was he thinking? His divorced just finalized three months ago, he knows he’s not over her ex-wife just yet. But here he is, agreeing on the engagement party their parents already arranged for them.

He used to think the best way to forget Sera was to move on quickly, that’s exactly what he did and he regretted it. He tries to put himself in Sera’s shoes, if She moved on this quickly, it’ll definitely breaks his heart. He’ll think that he’s replaceable and has no value whatsoever in her eyes.

He knows that’s how she’d feel if she knows.

Lately he reminded of her more often than usual, he believed he had gone mental when he thought he saw her the other day at the hospital where Yoona’s going to work in. He was sure it was Sera from the way she walks, he was sure it was his leather jacket that she’s wearing, but then again what would she be doing in a hospital? He then erased his imagination and follow where Yoona took him the other day.

His busy thought is interrupted by a ring on his phone, it’s an unknown number so he ignores it. He then starts looking into his photo album which mostly consist of Sera. How beautiful she is in his eyes and how lost he feels at this moment without her, how much he restrains himself from not knocking on her door tonight. He wants to tell her everything that’s going on with him, how crazy and fast his life has been moving since she left. How much he wished it’s her hand that he’s still holding whenever he takes Yoona’s hand with him.

He swipes another picture of them together, mostly the pictures from their last date together as husband and wife. He noticed just now how sad the look in her eyes, how forced her smile was that day, how her teary eyes are showing in every pictures they took, and lastly how pale she looked on that day. Taecyeon never noticed these before, he’s too busy trying to move on from her that he never managed to ask how she’s been doing.

Another ring from an unknown number is showing on his phone. Maybe this phone is important, so he reluctantly picks it up.

Yeoboseyo?”

“…….”

Yeoboseyo, can you hear me?” He raises his voice just in case the other person can’t hear him.

“……..”

“Is this a prank call?”

“……..”

“Aish. You wasted my time.” He hangs up.

If only he knows it was Sera in the other end of the line.

She’s been yearning to hear his voice, so tonight she borrows the phone in the nurse station to call on the number she remembers by heart. Her tears falling freely once she heard his voice, she wants to ask him how he’s been doing, she wants to confirm what she saw the other day, yet she lives her life remembering her last promise to him—not to bother him ever again. So she swallows her misery and treasure what she has left of him.

“Did he pick it up?” Kyuhyun helps her to put the phone back.

She nods.

“Are you okay?” He kneels in front of her who’s seating on the wheelchair to level their faces. It hurts him to see her being miserable, but it hurts him more to pretend to be her best friend while she’s reaching out to the love of her life.

“Thank you. I won’t be that cruel to you ever again. I’m sorry.” Sera softly caress his messy hair.

Kyuhyun scoffs to hide his heartache. “Let’s go back to your room.” He begins pushing Sera’s wheelchair, “soon you will learn who loves you the most, Sera-ya.” Adds him in his heart.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “(Eng.) Piles of Regrets – Part 6

  1. no name says:

    have read this story 3 times but haven’t gotten bored 💕💕💕💕💕💕 Sera and Kyuhyun are the perfect example of ‘never give up life’ they’re so lucky to have each other on their side <3333

    Like

  2. Seo HaYeon says:

    Hiks…. I’m not okay.. I wonder, how they all of this FF have their own ego??? why they don’t want at least once to know deeply what actually happen? I’m like just got a heartache knowing Yoona is in Sera’s hospital, Sera’s department.How if Taec know the fact? 😦 and in ending, What kyu said makes me more confused what will happen then. Just can wait.. BTW I’m so excited knowing you’ve already post Eng. ver. first authornim.. 😀 It’s better!! Johasseyeeooooo 😉

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s