Category: Romance, NC-21, Chaptered
Cast: Cha Eungi, Choi Siwon, Cho Kyuhyun
The way back to their apartment was full of awkward silences. They take the metro and it happened to be packed with a lot of people so Kyuhyun is holding onto the hand rail on top while his other hand holds her by the waist. Eungi leans her head helplessly on his shoulder and Kyuhyun stays in silence for the rest of their journey. She’s busy managing her own feeling while he’s busy shaking off his negative thoughts that he has earlier.
He can’t believe that he had that mean thought in his mind earlier, how could he back out from all of these when he’s helplessly in love with the woman in his arm? He should’ve known that the moment he decided to step into her life is the moment he must be ready for every melt down she might have. Eungi herself had reminded him about that and Kyuhyun gently took the challenge. He knows she needs him and she asked him to stay by her side, so why would he doubt her? What Cha Eungi needs is time and Kyuhyun has to be the bigger person to give her that luxury.
After the exhausting emotional night, they finally arrive back in their save rental apartment, both of them are just too worn out from today’s walking activity. She just went to three places today, but the remaining energy she has for the night is almost empty. Once they arrive in the apartment, Eungi drops her body onto the sofa and takes a cushion to covers her face while she’s closing her eyes.
“Shall I get dinner?” Kyuhyun takes a seat next to her.
She slides her seat next to him to lean on his chest, finding the familiar comfort she’s been needing all day. “Ng, I’m not that hungry but I guess we can have something.”
He reluctantly rounds his arm on her shoulder and tries hard to get rid of his bad thought that still haunt his mind. She’s not the only one that needs comforting, he needs to be comforted also and the only person that can comfort him is still busy mending her own feeling. If it’s up to him, he’ll book the earliest plane ticket for both of them and go to Seoul right away, but it’ll be rude for him to force her to get out of this city very soon just in case she’s not really done with her goodbye.
He tightens his hugs around her then kisses the top of her head deeply while inhaling her sweet scent, how could he stand being away from her if he already feels restless with the thought of not being with her. She’s his everything and he went far enough to reach to this point of their relationship and though this time probably the most doubtful moment for him, he’s sure Eungi will come around eventually.
Their solemn moment is disturbed by weird voices coming from his stomach, they had their late breakfast this morning and only had simple sandwiches for lunch, of course he’ll be hungry by ten o’clock at night. Eungi scoffs to the sound of his stomach and pinches his cheek before telling him to go grab dinner.
Kyuhyun reach into his back pocket to get his phone to call the Chinese food delivery whose number he saved after he returned to that place for the fourth time. His right pocket is empty so he checks the left one and the remaining pockets available in his jeans.
“What’s wrong?” Eungi straighten her sit and pays full attention to him.
“It’s weird, I think I put my phone in here.” He walks toward the hanger by the front door to check his outer wear’s pocket and the phone he’s looking for is still missing.
“Did you left it on the side table?” She suggested the idea.
Kyuhyun shakes his head, “We took pictures in Sacre-Coeur earlier with my phone. Can you give it a call please?”
“Sure.” Eungi takes her own phone from her purse and calls his number only to be told that it’s turned off. “It’s off.”
He wipes his face with his hands and takes his seat back next to her. “Was it stolen then?”
Eungi lifts her shoulders and tries to call for his phone one more time and it’s still turned off. “Wow, this city sure is full of scams.” She mumbles.
“I hate Paris.” He adds.
“Yeah, me too. We are so not coming back here.” She slides closer to him to pats his shoulder, “Is there anything important in your phone?”
He nods, “Our pictures.”
Eungi smiles and hugs him, “I have those in my phone so I can transfer all images to you after you get the new one.”
“It still sucks though.” His mood today has officially ruined by everything happened throughout the day.
“Is your wallet okay? Passport? IDs?” She reminds him the more important thing besides a hand phone.
“I didn’t bring my wallet to the street, only some Euros in my front pocket which is save, my passport and wallet is tuck in safely in my luggage inside the cupboard along with the rest of my IDs.” He calmly replies, “Just the phone.”
He chuckles, “You’re not the one that stole it why are you sorry? It’s okay, I’ll just walk one block to get dinner, okay?”
“I’ll take a long bath while you do that.” She smiles weakly, “Or maybe you’d like to join me?”
He’s tempted with the idea but it’s definitely not a right time for any erotic moment, she’s still sad and he’s still pissed—things could go wrong anytime soon if they force their intimacy.
“Let’s not skip another dinner tonight, ne?” He gives a quick kiss on her lips to avoid any sign of harsh rejection. “I’ll take a rain check for that hot long bath with you, you owe me one.” He adds a little smirk to tease her.
Eungi is walking back and forth in the rental apartment, she took quite a long time in the bath and when she’s done, Kyuhyun hasn’t return from buying their take-out and it worries her. It’s almost midnight and Paris is not a friendly city during the night. Before her imagination goes wild, she thinks of some way to calm herself and her initial initiative is to call his phone but then she reminded that he just lost it this afternoon.
She decided to wait more for him, maybe he takes his time to calm himself also from what happened today and he doesn’t want Eungi to see how shaken he is in front of her. Maybe Kyuhyun needs some time away from her and use the excuse of buying dinner to avoid being in the same room with her for a little while. Eungi understands how emotional today’s journey is for both of them and she can totally accept the fact if Kyuhyun feels a little bit uncomfortable with her recollecting her memories. His grim face since they left the restaurant told her enough about his feeling and Eungi didn’t want to ask him anything since she’s afraid it’ll offend him in a way.
She figures that reason makes enough sense to explain why he’s not back in their apartment just yet so she decided to go to the cupboard and change into her pajamas. She’s doesn’t feel hungry at all and her head is filled with a lot of asset for her to put into writing, so while waiting for him, she opens up her laptop and begins continuing the two chapters she already written.
Rewriting it means that she has to recall the bitter memory and she swears to herself that this will be the last time she’d allow herself to cry over her dead fiancé. This is her final journey and to her surprise, her heart feels lighter after she properly bid her goodbye to him. Kyuhyun was right that the way for her to heal is actually to face her fear—and she plans to write that down for her final chapter of the book.
Eungi adds more details that she remembered today into her draft, ignoring the pain she feels deep in her heart and keep forcing herself to pour all her miseries into words. Words that one day will be read by other people so they’d understand what kind of tragedy that happened, so people can get the story from the person that was actually on the spot when it occurred. She knows if her book is launched, it won’t change the world and bad people with mean propaganda will still run around freely, but what happened was history and she wants her book to be a piece of evidence that can last a lifetime just like Anne Frank’s Diary during the Nazi Propaganda.
She keeps on writing while ignoring the heaviness of her eyelids, her body is ready to give in into the soft pillow piles up on the bed but she’s on fire tonight and she doesn’t want to miss the chance to write down everything she remembers today. For a little while she forgets that Kyuhyun hasn’t return back from buying their late dinner and she didn’t even realize when her man comes back home later that night.
He knows how late he arrived back in their apartment, the walk that supposed to take only ten minutes took a very long detour because an unexpected person just showed up to have some talk with him. He tried to get back to Eungi very soon, worrying about her because he knows she’ll begin to think of bad things that could happen to him if he’s not around her, he understands how protective she actually is towards him and he doesn’t want to make her restless.
Kyuhyun puts down the take-out on the dining table and smiles bitterly when he sees her fallen asleep already with her laptop on. He removes the laptop from her lap then cradle her to the bed, covers her in a warm blanket and kiss her goodnight. The parades of bad event he has today has really makes him want to throw a punch onto the wall, he could take one or two bad incident but heaven still wants to joke around with him more tonight, and he’s in the edge of his limit.
His whole patience is gone once he takes her laptop with a good intention to turn in off, the screen still display the last window Eungi was working on earlier and it intrigued his curiosity. He knows he should not invade her privacy but he can’t help not to read the chapters she already written for her book—and finally he lost it.
It’s weird, when she opens her eyes the next morning, she’s already on the bed covered with a warm blanket while she can’t remember when she dragged herself onto it. Eungi draws a simple smile on her face realizing it must be Kyuhyun that lifted her from the sofa here and he didn’t want to disturb her sleep so he stayed quiet. She yawns before she lifts her body from the bed to look around the room but the man she’s been missing from last night is still not in sight.
She gets up from the bed to walk towards the dining table they have near the kitchen and see a pile of take-outs on top. Kyuhyun must have returned really late last night and she already fallen asleep, she curses to herself for not staying awake longer for him, but she was running out of energy yesterday and she wishes Kyuhyun can give her a free pass for that one.
She walks towards the bathroom, knocking on its door waiting for him to answer from the inside but no one answers her, she looks into the front door and notices that his shoes aren’t there, so the next thought she has is Kyuhyun must be going out to grab breakfast for them the way he always does since they arrived here.
She only hasn’t seen him for a few hours but she misses him already—she hates the fact that he’s not here when she opens her eyes and she honestly a little bit mad because he didn’t wake her up last night when he returned. She wanted to kiss him good night and she still wants to cuddle with him before bed. That annoyance alone is enough to make Eungi laughs to herself, thinking how silly she must have look right now for wanting to be with her man all the time.
Eungi brews coffee enough for both of them and drinks her first glass while she’s reading a book she got yesterday on the secondhand bookstore near Sacre-Coeur. Her initial plan is only to read the first chapter but then she got lost in the moment whenever she buries her face in a book and when she takes her focus out of the book, it’s past noon already.
She looks around one more time, wondering why is Kyuhyun hasn’t return while hours already passed from the time she woke up. She begins to feel restless and stupidly tries to call him again—only to be reminded his phone was stolen. As she begins to worry about his whereabouts, Eungi starts to think several possibilities on why he hasn’t return yet. She walks back and forth in front of the big window that face the main street below and she decided to just go downstairs to wait for him in the main entrance.
She was waiting for almost an hour with the doorman but the person she’s waiting for is not coming still. She begins to mumbles and talks to herself with a lot of thoughts in her head and finally the doorman took pity on her and ask her in broken English whether she’s waiting for someone or something or maybe she’s looking for a direction and he might be able to help her.
She explains to him—in French—that she’s waiting for her boyfriend, a Korean guy as tall as the doorman himself and wondering if he’s seen him earlier this morning. The doorman shakes his head saying he’s been standing in this place since dawn from the beginning of his shift and he hasn’t seen any Korean guy passing through the front gate.
Now her heart begins to race on its own, her first thought is something wrong had happened to him and he might be in danger, however they’re in Paris and the city has given her enough reason to be restless all the time. Eungi takes some deep breaths to think of the best way to help her find Kyuhyun, she gets a brilliant idea and she quickly grab her phone to call South Korean Embassy and goes back to their room to collect his passport or IDs to quicken the search just in case it’s needed to provide enough information.
She breaks the door open while giving a call to the embassy and ask them the procedure to find a missing Korean citizen in Paris. She talks too fast and the receiver in the other end was confuse with her words at first, so Eungi tries to sit down while explaining what’s going on to the embassy. Once they understand the purpose of her call, they tell her to calm down and tries to find his ID or passport so they can identify him quicker although a thorough investigation cannot be done unless the person has been missing for more than 24 hours.
Eungi debate herself with the person that answers her phone, arguing about it probably will be too late if they wait that long. She even idiotically throws in some movies references to make her point that 24 hours is too long to wait to look for a missing person. The person in the embassy gave up in the end and demands Kyuhyun’s travel papers to help them to begin searching.
Eungi remembers where Kyuhyun puts his important stuffs so she quickly hangs up and run to the cupboard to look for his luggage. She found his black luggage which luckily unlock and she begins digging into piles of his clothing to find what she’s searching for. He told her yesterday that all of his important stuff realting to travel document is safely placed in his luggage, but even after her third effort to carefully find what she’s looking for, his passport and wallet are nowhere to be found.
Her phone rings not long after and she recognize the number is coming from the embassy she just called minutes ago. They ask her if she found any important document of Kyuhyun and she can’t even explain to them that his documents are missing while his whole stuff are still here with her.
“I can’t.. find anything..” He voice is shaking, she’s not sure what she feels and she can’t think right now.
“We’ll try to check from the police and immigration first so maybe you can provide us with his basic bio such as name, date of birth and address in South Korea?”
Eungi cooperate and gives the information they need and hang up to wait for another news from them.
He whole body is shaking, she doesn’t know what to do and she doesn’t dare to think. If she thinks, she’ll begin to speculate and assume things. It’s not that hard for her to put the puzzle together but she doesn’t have the courage to do it, she doesn’t want to draw any conclusions and she’s now trying to calm the fast beating of her heart.
She distracts herself by cleaning up the rental apartment while waiting for a call from the embassy, at least by pretending to be busy, she can do something else other than sitting around restlessly with her mind going wild. Only two hours later she finally got a call she’s been waiting for and the news she receives successfully shatters her heart.
“The man you’re looking for is fine, Cha Eungi-ssi. In fact, he boarded the plane back to Seoul earlier this morning, so I hope it’ll calm you down. The immigration has cleared him to leave France and according to the time schedule, he’ll be arriving in Seoul in the next eight hours. Maybe you can give him a call by then.”
The puzzle she put down in her mind earlier has form itself into one big horrible conclusion. She lost her ground as she heard the news and she suddenly she feels like she can’t breathe.
Eungi says her thanks and drop herself to the floor.
Her hands are shaking vigorously and she feels so powerless to even try to stand up. She can’t think clearly no matter how hard she tries to take the news calmly. There’s no way she can be calm when she just told by the embassy that her boyfriend just left her. In the mist of her clouded thoughts, her mind recalls his sentences that now hurts like knives:
“ Noona, if you feel it’s too much, you can just waive the white flag and we’ll go home, okay? I’ll be with you the whole time. And If it’s too much for me to handle, I’ll waive the white flag and take you home too. But I won’t leave your side, we’re in this together. I promise.”
He’s waiving the white flag and takes himself home as promised, but he forgot to bring Eungi along with him—he just left.
She finds herself stranded in a new place hours later. She can hardly remember how she gotten herself here, what she remembered is that she grabbed all of her stuffs back into her luggage immediately, she remembered she hailed a taxi even when she swore she won’t take it whenever she’s in Eroupe, she remembered that she bought the quickest train ticket that leave Paris this noon, and she remembered she arrived in an unknown train station by night.
Her remaining strength was only enough to take her to the nearest hotel where she could spend the night—she doesn’t care where she is right now as long as she’s not in Paris. The city has brought pain for the second time to her and she can’t stand to breath its air into her lungs anymore.
The receptionist welcomes her politely and gives her the accommodation she needs for the night, Eungi gives her cash to pay for the room and avoid using any sort of card that could be track down. The bellboy helps her to carry her luggage into her room, she tips him and in the end she’s alone again.
The moment the door closes behind her is the first moment she’s actually being alone after the random runaway she did this noon. The silence that surrounds her right now turns into a harsh reminder of her loneliness, she’s in the middle of nowhere, she’s alone and she’s not even sure she knows how to breath properly anymore.
Eungi tries to manage her constant breathing as she tries to calm herself down, she slowly moves her foot one after another and takes herself towards the desk in the corner of her room. Her body begins to shake and she falls down on her knees once she lost her balance to the ground beneath, Eungi uses her remaining power to crawl herself under the desk to get a piece of comfort that she desperately needs. She slides underneath the desk and all of her defense broke as she leans on the wooden surface.
The tears that she shed turn into vigorous whimper soon after the realization of her own silly fate and her cries break when she admits to herself that she’s now completely alone, nobody knows where she is—she doesn’t even know where she is, nobody can find her and she’s not even sure if anyone would miss her presence.
She’s hugging her knees trying to fight back from the excruciating pain in her heart but she failed again as she begins to wails out her desperation. She was lost once but Kyuhyun saved her from herself and he gave her the sense of comfort that’s so addictive to her, she needs him like a junkie needs her drug and now she’s suffering when he decided to give up on their relationship. The only person that can make her feel better has gone and she’s sinking herself more into her pain because she misses him—she misses him so bad that she doesn’t care his reason for leaving. If Kyuhyun shows up in front of her right now, she’d jump onto him and kisses him all over instead of being mad at him, she’ll beg him to stay if she must and she’ll round her arms on his body to keep him close with her to the point he can’t run away from her anymore.
Eungi pats her chest continuously to get rid of the pain, if she could, she would take her own heart and rip it apart so she doesn’t have to feel this pain that’s slowly killing her from the inside. Where did it went wrong? What has she done to him to deserve this?
She’s crying like a child as she begins to lose her strength to sit upright and begins to slowly lays on the floor. She curls herself to fit under the desk and howls in pain and starts to throw her punches to the floor. In the edge of her misery, Eungi screams out like a lunatic and continues screeching in pain. She can’t do it, she can’t take this pain, she’s sad, she’s lonely and she’s broken, but what’s worse is the fact that she was left without explanations.