Category: Romance, NC-21, Chaptered
Cast: Cha Eungi, Choi Siwon, Cho Kyuhyun
They’ve been in the doomed city for two days, yet Cha Eungi hasn’t left their room at all. They rent an apartment on the outskirt of the city center, since Eungi avoid being too close to the main attractions just in case anything bad happen again in Paris. Both of them have been relying on take outs that’s available one block away from the apartment and they spent most of their days just by watching TV and talking to each other.
She never thought it’ll be easy to conquer her own trauma, but she didn’t think it’ll be this hard either. They didn’t really have a well mapped out plan on what to do once they arrived and now Kyuhyun is relying all progress to Eungi since he doesn’t want to be the pusher that force her to get her shit done immediately. It’s the second afternoon they spend in Paris, and the day spent as if they’re in their safe homes back in Seoul. Eungi still doing her daily routine such as reading books and write in her laptops and Kyuhyun is fighting all kinds of annoyance he feels deep inside from the ignorance she has towards the situation. If it’s up to him, he’d want her to go through her business of facing her old trauma soom enough so they can move on and get back to South Korea immediately. He doesn’t mind the idea of a vacation in Europe with his girlfriend, but a vacation with this kind of agenda is certainly not a dream gateway for anyone.
Instead of going around to the city, Cha Eungi is now sitting on the floor staring blankly ahead with heaven only knows what’s occupying her mind. Eungi’s aware that Kyuhyun has starting to be a bit impatient by the second day when he asked if they’re going to do something and she only replied with a shrugs of her shoulders. If she were in his position, she’d probably had snap long before this and she appreciates his patience over her needs—she appreciates it more than he might think.
The dusk is taking over as the brightness of day begins to disappear when Kyuhyun silently takes a seat on the floor next to her, hugging his knees while following her gaze to the distance as he’s trying to get comfortable in the awkward atmosphere created ever since they got here. She snaps out of her daydream as their shoulders brushes against each other and her first reaction is to leans her head on top of his broad shoulder then takes in his masculine aroma to calm herself down.
“I’m sorry.” She whispers. “I thought I had a plan but I got cold feet the moment we landed here.”
“It’s not okay, Kyu. Just because I don’t say it to your face doesn’t mean I didn’t notice how my behavior had annoyed you.” She slides closer to him so she can hug him closer.
“I.. well it’s just a little bit awkward honestly.” Kyuhyun takes his arms away from his knees to caress her hair.
“I don’t know where to start.” She admits. “How can I begin this healing process if I don’t even know where to start—I don’t even have enough courage to step out of this apartment.”
“Noona, it’s a very traumatic event for you. Of course you’ll need some time to deal with it.”
Eungi takes a deep breath and finds a comfortable position to leans completely onto his body, Kyuhyun is now spreading his legs so Eungi can sit in between them and he cradles her like a child.
“I tried to write down a draft for my book and I got goosebumps just by replaying it in my head.”
“Maybe saying it out loud before you write it down will help more? What’s your progress so far, noona?”
She chuckles, “Just the big draft plan of how the book will go and early chapters.”
“Can I read it?”
She shakes her head immediately.
She’s not even sure if that’s the decent way to begin her book and she’s certain that Kyuhyun won’t like the early chapters at all since she uses those early chapters to introduce her reader about Siwon and what kind of decent man he really was. She uses the next chapter after that to explain how it all started between them and how much they were in love before all the goodness are taken away from her.
No, she can’t let Khyuhyun read that. she knows it’ll hurt him and that’s the least she wants to do to the man that’s now trying his best to catch up with her pace, to the man that’s now holding her close to comfort her, to a man that’s now occupying every spaces of her heart and her mind. He will read the final book eventually but she’s sure that she’d be able to express her feelings for him by then so he won’t feel belittled when he learns her history with Siwon—but now is not the right time for that, she hasn’t tell him how she feels and letting him read the early chapters will ruin everything they try to build right now.
“You can read the book once I finished it, now it’s still too messed up.” She comes up with a bad lie. “And actually I kinda lost courage as I continue to the important chapter.”
“The massacre.” She buries her face even deeper in the curve of his neck, “somehow it went blurry to me in some scenes and I can’t fight my own fear to reveal what really happened.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” He doesn’t know why he suggested it. If Eungi wants a blow-by-blow scenery of her own tragedy, Kyuhyun has the recorded CCTV video that he watched back then but that’s the last option he will offer her—and he wishes he’ll never have to show her that.
“Will you be okay if I talk about it?”
She moves away from him to turns her position to face him then crosses her legs so she still sits in between his spread legs. “Stop me whenever you feel like it, okay?”
He nods before he mirrors her position to crosses his own legs before he listen carefully to what she has to say.
Eungi takes a deep breath then closes her eyes. “I remember we were having dessert when it occurred. The silent of the night was broken by the screech of tires on the asphalt and I remember we both looked to the source of the sound.” She begins to dig her own memory.
Kyuhyun takes her hand and play with her finger as he listens to her.
“I remember I saw the firearms taken away from the back of the masked men and that’s the last scene I could remember before I was pushed onto the floor. Moments later I heard the continuous blaring sound as the glass shattered all around me and I remember that I heard screaming from the family next to me. At the time, the ground felt like shaking and I could feel his heavy body is pressing against mine while he framed my whole upper body with his arms.” She’s still closing her eyes as she tries to squeezes the bad memory out of her brain.
Kyuhyun isn’t sure of his own feelings right now. He likes the fact that Eungi is now being completely open to him yet he feels like crap at the same time—he knows Eungi is not comparing both of them but the more he knows about Siwon, the more insecure he gets whenever he’s around her.
“People said it was only three minutes before it stopped, but it felt like eternity to me.” Eungi continues. “I thought when they stopped shooting everything will be fine again and I was wrong. When the gunshot stopped, the silent of the night took over again and it was a terrifying silence, I turned my head to look around me and saw these puddles of blood everywhere. The screaming family next to me didn’t scream anymore since they’ve lost their lives and the one that covered me from those bullets are fighting for his last breath.” She can feel her eyes gets hotter as she begins to retell the painful part of her story.
Eungi takes her hair up and hold it in her right shoulder before she leans in closer to Kyuhyun to shows her left shoulder then points a vague scar that runs from her shoulder to the upper back of her skin.
“This scar is all I got in my body from that horrible event.” Her tears fall in the end. “He was sheltering me and all I got was this scar that penetrated from the shattered glass. He drew his last breath not long after, those bullets pierced through his lungs on several places and the fact that he still able to say his last words to me was already a miracle. But still, that’s not the worst part. The worst part is having the paramedic came over to check on everyone, they took the survivors out of the restaurant for vital check in the ambulance—and the dead, they all immediately put in the body bags.”
She bites her lips to fight her emotion while taking some deep breath before she continues.
“Body bags, Kyu.” She tries to chuckles but failed to do so, “Those people are honorable people, they deserved a decent parting, they deserved to be treated politely even though their souls are no longer intact on their bodies—but body bags?! The man just saved my life and the best treatment he got was the orange zippered tarpaulin with a name tag on his toe.”
“All the wounded were taken to the hospital and that day was the day when I wished I could just shut out myself from the world. It was crowded and noisy, the phone keeps on ringing and even the survivors begin to lose their life in the hospital. That was also the time that I learned that the massacre didn’t just happened in the restaurant but throughout several crowded spots in Paris. I can’t even remember how I got myself back to Seoul the next day, I think some people from the embassy helped me with it but I can’t really remember since I was heavily sedated also.”
Her body begins to shake from the pieces of memories she managed to gather. Months have passed yet she still feel the fear creeping into her veins whenever she picture the chaos happened around her that time. it was already hard enough for her to witness her own fiance’s death, but being in the hospital that day she also saw many people lost their lives and many raltives of the dead are wailing their heart out when they learned about the news.
To her, the moment after the massacre was actually the worst part.
Kyuhyun notice that Eungi has been quiet for more than five minutes while she’s trying to collects herself. “Noona, have you tried counseling?” He’s been dying to ask this question since he learned about what happened to her.
Eungi laughs, she doesn’t know what makes his words so funny but somehow she feels less tense after she told him the side of her story. “I have, but the doctor made me feel crazier so I quit. I did yoga instead.”
“What’s so funny about it?” He pouts his mouth looking offended.
“Nothing, but I’m amused by that counseling thought—because that was also my first idea when I got back to Seoul. I believed I could heal me somehow, but I only followed two sessions and I couldn’t take it anymore. You know the philologist method of letting you lay down and retell you trauma? That didn’t work for me at the time—it was too soon and I wasn’t ready.”
“And you’re ready now?”
She nods, “Time heals, you know? And my progress of healing goes even faster after I met you.” Eungi places her palm on his face to brushes her thumb on his cheek. “I don’t know what kind of spell you put on me, but I can’t believe on how calm I am whenever I’m near you and I honestly can’t get enough of you.”
He smirks stupidly, “Are you bullshitting me now?”
She grins, “No, but yeah it sounded like I did, doesn’t it? I’m not really good with guy stuff so please forgive me if I’m a little awkward or even weird. I don’t even know how to express my feelings to you.” She looks down to hide her blushing cheek. “I honestly feel intimidated by you, since you’re very experienced with girls and I don’t really have much to compare myself with you.”
Kyuhyun stuns, there’s something in her innocent way of telling him how inexperience she is that amused him. He likes the fact that he’s not the only one that tries to impress in this relationship and the way she admitted it just make her looks even more charming in his eyes.
“That’s all I can remember from the tragedy.” She surds, “Now your job is to distract me from that vision I describe earlier so I can get a peaceful sleep in this cursed city tonight.”
He chuckles while trying to find a light topic to counter her bad story. “I’ve been wondering about it for some time, tell me about your old boyfriends. I never knew about your old boyfriends.”
“You’re curious about it?” She laughs and wipes the remaining tears on her eyes as she feels at ease since the heavy topic now changed into something they can laugh about. “I didn’t get many boyfriends.”
“Tell me still, I’m curious.”
“But in return, you must tell me about your girlfriends also.”
“Noona, I do girls, I don’t do girlfriends.” He rolls his eyes and enjoying the vague jealous expression she shows on her face. “But yeah, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know, but answer me first.”
She gets up from the floor and takes his hand with her as she drags him to sit on the love seat sofa in the room. Kyuhyun takes his seat and grabs her by her waist to keep her closer to him as he lets her sit on his laps. Eungi rounds her right arm to wrap his shoulder and gets herself comfortable before she begins her shameful story.
“Well, I bet you can tell what kind of student I was in high school.” She brushes the hair that covers her face to the side.
“Driven bookworm, awkward and grumpy?” He teases her.
Eungi nods, “See? I’m that predictable! So, I never had a boyfriend during high school—boys those age were looking for the bombshell in their class and I certainly didn’t fit the picture, and they also know that I live in a social home—which was only a soft pun from an orphanage—so I think no high school boys wanted to get involve with a grumpy awkward girl with a heavy background.” She laughs to her own past.
“If we went to the same high school, I’d probably hit on you since bombshells didn’t attract me at all and I liked a girl with some challenges.” He pinches her nose and chuckles.
Eungi rolls her eyes then continues her story, “I think my appearance got better after I entered college, either that or maybe because the architecture department didn’t have much girls in my year so some of the boys were flirting with me. My first boyfriend ever was my senior and that was not the best first boyfriend experience.”
“He’s violent and pushy. He was sweet to me at first but then things begin to get more intense pretty quickly between us, he stole my first kiss when he was drunk and he continued to made me feel uncomfortable. After he went out with me for about a month he demanded to have sex with me—and something in me told me that it wasn’t a right thing to do and I didn’t want my first time to be less special because it was forced—so I broke up with him immediately.”
For the first time Kyuhyun feels a different kind of emotion while listening to her story. Usually he’d feel jealous and intimidated because he only has Siwon to compare himself to, but now he has another person from her past to be mad at.
“Did he touch you when you didn’t want him to?”
She shakes her head, “I’m stronger than you think Kyu. He tortured me and everything, but lucky for me he got suspended from the campus from breaking campus property when he got super drunk one night and he broke the founder statue on the entrance.” She giggles happily, “Karma is a bitch, right?”
He smiles and nods. “I don’t like your first boyfriend. In fact why don’t you tell me his name and I’ll deal with him later?”
Eungi is intrigued by the idea but she stops his thought to act childish, “He’s not worth it.”
“Go on, tell me about your next boyfriend.”
Eungi cringes and covers her face in shame before she continues, “Don’t judge, my second boyfriend—well, he’s never been my boyfriend actually but I had a very emotional attachment to this guy.”
“The second man that I had a crush with was my professor.” She grins widely.
Kyuhyun laughs and spread his arms widely on his head as if he just won something. “Oh yeah! I’m not the only one that’s dating my professor!”
“He charmed me with his intelligence and his well-mannered self, there’s something in him that kind of pushed me to prove myself to my limit and I think graduated with summa cum-laude has something to do with my obsession to impressed him.”
“Did you also snuggle with your professor the way I do with mine?” He pulls her closer to give a quick kiss on her cheek, trying to make a point of snuggling with her.
Eungi combs his hair with her fingers and shakes her head. “Nothing physical at all. I believed he liked me too but sixteen years gap is enough reason not to start anything awkward. Besides, he got married when I graduated—that’s also the reason why I accepted the scholarship in the Netherlands in order to get as far away from him as possible. I met him some time almost two years ago in the very conference I met Siwon oppa, and I felt completely fine when he introduced me to his wife and children, so I think it was just a simple crush that I had with him.”
“See? Having a crush on your professor is normal! Especially if the professor looks like you.” He rubs her back and teases her even more. “So after the professor?”
“After the professor I didn’t really had time to date anyone, I was so driven to finish my master degree and quickly got several offers to continue on my doctoral. I spent my days studying and teaching and spent my nights in the labs trying to create the eco panel that you know. So those are the time when I was so ignorant about men, some confessed to me and asked me out but I just wasn’t interested at all.”
“And when did you begin to realize that you need men in your life?”
“When I met him.” She replies quickly while studying his face. “Maybe that’s also the reason why meeting with my old professor in the conference didn’t affect me that much because I was distracted with Siwon’s charm in the same time.”
The familiar pain in his heart now returns as Eungi begins to talk about Siwon.
“He was charming and polite, he was smart and knew how to keep up with my ignorance and moreover, he’s age appropriate for me.” Eungi notices how the shine in Kyuhyun’s eyes dimmed a little as she starts to talk about Siwon so she decided to stop. “But I don’t want to talk about him again tonight, I like the fact that we can laugh about my stupid love life and let’s not dig into the sad story again, ne?”
He nods whiles secretly appreciating her way to make him feel better about himself.
“Now tell me about your girl story, who’s your first girl friend?”
Kyuhyun chuckles when he sees her pouting her mouth, he knows Eungi is trying to be cool about his old womanizer self but her effort to cover her own jealousy is not that convincing for him.
“I began dating when I was in high school, can you imagine how I was as a student?”
“Not much different from you were the first day you entered my class I bet.”
“True.” He confirms, “But I was this smart math Olympiad with a bad attitude.”
“I excel in math, I don’t know why, but that lesson is somehow easy for me.” He lifts his shoulder nonchalantly, “So that’s kind of a perfect magnets for girls, you know? A bad boy that got a brain in him—and some of his father’s money. So dating wasn’t hard for me at all.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
“So if you’re wondering if I ever had a serious girlfriend, my answer would be ‘no’, but I do have a girl that I still remember until now—out of guilt. She and I went out for about three weeks and it was during the final days of high schools, so most of the times were spent for college prep until late night at school and one night she and I skipped our class to made out on the rooftop.”
Eungi looks down to her feet, avoiding his gaze since she has an idea where his story will go. As much as she’s aware that she’s dating a former bad boy right now, she hasn’t got over the jealous feeling that disturbs her heart whenever Kyuhyun begins telling her about the girls he slept with. Her insecurity wins every time that topic came out and she doesn’t like feeling like this.
“We were young and curious, so our made out session turned hotter and we both got lost in the moment.” He continues his story, “We found an empty classroom and.. well.. it happened. My first time ever and it was her first time too. Looking back now, I think she deserved a more special treatment from me on her first time but I was such a jerk to let it happened,”
“Did you force her into it?”
“No, I never forced anyone to have sex with me—I don’t want to, it’s not right.” He defends himself, “She was the one that begged me to do that actually but I don’t know why I felt like an asshole after it happened. A week later she broke up with me and dated my classmate immediately, so I was really confused on finding who the real jerk in this story is.”
“She is.” Eungi replies. “At least you felt guilty about it.”
Kyuhyun smiles to her way to comfort him, “I don’t really keep track of the girls I was with ever since.” He takes his gaze away from her, feeling rather embarrassed of himself. “I’m sorry noona, you’re so pure and innocent while I’m this kind of asshole that keeps messing around. You deserve a decent man like him, I can’t even compare myself to him.”
“Who asked you to compare yourself to him?” She leans her head on the curve of his neck, “I’m attracted to you while you’re being yourself Kyuhyun-a. I like this bad boy attitude that you have—you’re right it’s a real chick magnet when you have this kind of charisma that completed with the talent that you have.”
Kyuhyun pushes her away from him a little bit, “Look at me when you say good things about me, it cheers me up and I like seeing these blushing cheeks of yours.” He teases her by brushing his thumbs on her rosy cheeks. “So my bad boy persona caught you, huh?”
Eungi bites her lips and avoid his gaze, realizing that her face just gets hotter the more Kyuhyun tries to tease her. “I thought you’re all about looks and no brain at first.”
“Yeah, I know that’s how everyone thinks about me.” He rolls his eyes.
“But your drawing, your concepts, your talents, oh my I don’t even know where to begin to explain how attracted I am to you after I saw all your potentials.” She chuckles, “And it’s also thrilling somehow to have a crush on my student, it’s exciting to hide the bonds that we have from people around us.”
“We share same opinion in that area, noona.” He agrees.
“But what stole my heart was actually how you gently took care of me during my hardship. You didn’t have any clue on what’s going on with me back then but you stood by me patiently, trying hard to safe me from myself and even sacrifice your own feeling while I was busy taking care of my closure.” Eungi runs her fingers on his face, caressing every inch of it. “You gave me a taste of comfort once and I’m addicted to you ever since.”
“Well, you had me the first time you called me a ‘boy’.” He finally admits his weakness. “I dislike it so much that I tried to impress you ever since.”
“But you are a changed person after that.” She leans closer to kiss the edge of his nose. “You stopped being annoying and became this amazing man instead.”
“And you know the stupid thing I did? I fell for you.” He places his palms on her face to keeps her face in short distance from his. “I knew I had a huge crush on you but I didn’t know it was love that I felt until the night we went to the beach, you showed me the fragile side of your and I’m hooked.”
“So you like troubled girls?” She teases him while brushing their noses together.
Her face is too close from his and he can’t resist her charm anymore. “I like challenges but it wasn’t really that thing that draws me into you.”
Eungi bites her lips as she trying to suppress her own desire to kiss her man, “What draws you then?”
“I know you need me. You needed me but you’re too proud to ask.” He finally gives in and lands a soft kiss on her lips.
Eungi takes his kiss lightly at first but the more she lingers into him the more she wants the kiss to lead into something more. She feels like she’s been shock by electricity in some places on her skin where his hand touches her and she gives up all of her barrier as she parts her mouth to allow Kyuhyun to deepen their kisses.
She doesn’t break their kiss as she slowly moves her right leg across his laps to trap his thighs in between hers. Kyuhyun knows where this is going and he doesn’t want to be a bad man to Eungi so he pulls himself away from her as he parts their kisses. He runs his thumbs across her moist lips to study the disappointed look on her face.
“Why are you pulling yourself away from me?” Insecurity takes over as she comes to the realization that Kyuhyun just pushed her away from him. “Am I that bland to match up you taste in women?”
He shakes his head, “You have no idea how much I restrain myself from your charm, Eungi-ya.”
“Then why stop now?” She notices their breathing gets harder as their face coming closer to each other one more time. “You’re right, I need you.” She whispers.
Kyuhyun places his right hand on her nape as he locks their lips back together, he uses his left hand to support her back as Eungi erases the distance in between their pelvic. They both know where this is going and none of them plan to stop it from happening.
nc part coming next