Category: Romance, NC-21, Chaptered
Cast: Cha Eungi, Choi Siwon, Cho Kyuhyun
Kyuhyun takes the cold beer from his fridge and gives it to Eungi, they both shed enough tears tonight and it’s time to cool down. She takes the bottle from his hand, takes big gulps and not stopping until she finished her first bottle and Kyuhyun gladly offers his own bottle for her, she needs it more than him.
Led by his curiosity that backed up with his marvelous stalking skill, he has witness the horrid scene from the footage he got from some illegal terrorism website on what really happened to Eungi the night her life changed forever. It’s crystal clear in the recording that they had a nice dinner together and both are smiling with heaven only knows what amused them. Everything happened too quickly and the romantic scenery soon turned into a blood bath.
It was shown clearly how Siwon threw himself on top of her to shield her from the bullets that’s shooting through the air around them. Kyuhyun heart aches to see how much she tried to keep him alive when she did an emergency CPR and Kyuhyun started crying the moment she wails in frustration after the paramedic put Siwon’s body in the body bag. He regretted the fact that he went that far to stalk him, he curses himself for being too curious with her statement that she killed her fiancé, he let curiosity led him this far and now he wished he can undo what he saw.
But then again, if it too much for him to see from his safe apartment through the lens of recorded CCTV cameras, it must be beyond of what Eungi could handle when she experienced that first hand on the spot. No wander she always looks distance, no wander she always busies herself doing things, no wonder she’s blaming herself, she’s just trying to divert herself from remembering a traumatic event. And Kyuhyun also knows, if he’s in her position, he’d do even worse than that.
“Do you want more?” He offers.
She takes a deep breath and ask him for another beer if he still have some, she needs to loosen up and she’s in a safe place to lose control.
Kyuhyun grabs all the beers he has in the fridge and put it on the table, opens two bottles and hands one to Eungi before he lifts his bottle in the air for Eungi to cling hers.
“What are we cheering for?”
“Your farewell.” He smirks then gulps down the tingly bitter liquid.
“Are you okay? You look shaken.” Eungi’s still trembling but she tries to console Kyuhyun rather than herself.
“Noona, you should worry about yourself.” He takes the empty bottle from her hand and put in on the coffee table in front of them and open another one. “Shall we talk about it or just pretend it never happened?”
“Can I have a time out?” She lifts her hand and make a gesture of a T with both her palms crossing each other, “I’ll talk about that—It’s about time I talk about that—but please let me breathe first, it’s suffocating to remember it.”
He gives a weak smile, “Fine, so tell me about your farewell party.” He brings the first topic that crosses his mind.
Eungi sniffs her runny nose and chuckles, “It’s rubbish.”
She nods quickly, “I don’t know why I trapped myself in between more than thirty people to pretend to have fun with them, while truthfully I just want to be home with yo..” She quickly stops her sentence. Just because she gets comfortable with him, doesn’t mean she has to tell him everything she thinks of.
“With my books.” She just saved her pride.
Kyuhyun nods along, “I figured it’ll be boring and they’re all too young for me to hang out with any..”
“And you messed with some of them.” Eungi adds nonchalantly.
She heard a lot of rumors about him since her first day at the campus, but after a few shots of soju, her students begin to reveal the girls Kyuhyun used to messed with during their dinner earlier—and as annoyed as she is with the info, she just gulps down her water happily and pretend it didn’t affect her.
Kyuhyun grins to her, partly because he’s ashamed and partly because he likes the annoyed look in her face. “Does my past bother you?”
She shrugs her shoulder, “A little bit.”
“Makes me think if what we have is special or if I’m just your other target that you try to conquer.”
“So we have something, then?”
“Don’t change the subject.” Eungi takes her gaze away from him.
“I’m not, you’re the one that’s avoiding my gaze now.”
She gulps down more beer, if she’s going to have the talk with him at least she has to feel at ease. “So, am I?”
“Your target.” She bites her lips nervously, she was so confident that Kyuhyun was sincere with her, but after she heard more about his reputation she can’t help not to have some doubts in her mind.
“Honestly?” He finishes half of his first bottle before he continues speaking. “Yes.”
She can feel her heart is sinking from her chest towards her stomach.
“I was targeting you at first. I thought you knew, you told me yourself that you figured out about my bet with my friends.”
“I did?” she curls her brows, “I mean yes I knew but I don’t remember ever telling you that I knew.”
“Whoa Cha Eungi, that bottle will be the last bottle you’ll chug down tonight, I don’t want you to forget important stuff the way you did the first time you got drunk with me.”
“Did I talked that much that day?”
He nods, “A LOT!” he chuckles, “I didn’t know you’re a blabber when you’re drunk, I don’t like the drunk Eungi—she forgets important stuff.”
His face blushes a little bit when he reminded of their first kiss. “Never mind, it’s not that important anyway.”
“So I’m still your target?” As weird as it is, she feels betrayed by the person she put her trust into. “If that’s the case then I’ll drink all the alcohol here so I’d forget about what you said. I like my version of you rather than those people’s, and my version of you is this sweet gentleman that got lost in his own redemption—I know this Kyuhyun is actually a very nice man.”
He laughs, a little bit flattered by the way she always makes him feel better about himself. “But what if I admit that you really were my target?”
“I didn’t like the way you stared down at me on our first day and I felt the need to show you who’s the boss at the time. My friends suggested the meanest way possible to take you down—I’m not proud of it, by the way—and I agreed with them.” He shudders with the thoughts of exposing Eungi the way he planned before. “I just really pissed at you that day, noona.”
Eungi’s amused by his innocent honesty. “You interrupted my class, you were cocky and you had this degrading look in your eyes. No lecturer would like a student like that on their first day.” She chuckles, “And what really made it all perfect was when you stared me down, saying ‘my father will hear about this’. Do you read Harry Potter? You really sounded like the mean kid in that book.”
They laugh, this kind of thoughtless conversation is exactly what they need for the time-out before they really get into the serious matter.
“Ng, I know.” He moves uncomfortably in his seat, “But you’re the only one that gave me a second chance.”
She grins, “You deserved it, you never cease to amazed me, Kyuhyun-a.”
“That’s a good call though, because I think that was the day I decided to cancel my evil mean to you. I cannot stab someone that’s done nothing but supporting me in the back.”
“My pleasure.” She softly graces his hand, “And thank you, for everything.” She looks deeper into his eyes, “You won’t understand what you’ve done for me, but I really owe my sanity to you.”
“How is that?”
She shrugs her shoulders and turns her seating facing him, “You comfort me in some way, makes me feel that I can actually go through this with your presence. It’s weird I know, but that’s how I feel.” She’s too embarrassed and now avoiding his gaze, “I think I used a lot of my prerogative power to keep you around me, more than another student should. I just liked the times we spent together.”
Did Eungi just confessed to him? he’s not too sure. What he knows is how fast the beating in his heart gets once he noticed she’s being shy in front of him, it almost makes her look like a regular girls that he doesn’t have to impress all the time.
“I’ll gladly stay beside you if that really comforts you.” He lifts his hand to caress her hair, “I really care about you, Cha Eungi. If you demand me to be by your side then I’ll do exactly that, as long as you want me to.”
The butterflies are back into her stomach, he’s not the first person that confessed to her but not many people made it sound so special in her ears. “You care about me?”
“I guess the bad intention I had in mind backfired and slapped me hard on my face.” He smiles weakly and drinks some more.
She’s speechless with his innocent way to tell her how karma has bit him in the ass, with his distant look and the way his cheek blushes a little bit whenever he tells his feeling for her, with the way he looks at her with so much tenderness in his eyes. Cho Kyuhyun didn’t have to say what he feels to her, Eungi knows it well just by one look.
“It’s beautiful Kyu.”
“What you have for me.” She puts down her bottle on the coffee table, “I really wish I could..”
“Please. Don’t hurt my already scarred pride.”
“Please allow me to finish. Believe me, what I’m about to say will hurt my pride instead of yours.” She lifts her eyebrow.
He bites his lips then leans his back onto the couch. “Ng, go ahead.”
“I wish I could live with just my heart alone, therefore I don’t need to think too much and I could just follow my intuition right now.” She takes back her bottle and chug the rest of its content before she continues, “Do you know what’s crazy? I’ve stopped seeing you as my student for quite a while and I get this bubbly feeling whenever you’re around. If I can just follow my heart, I’m sure I’d be lying on that bed with you at the moment, doing God only knows what.” She points to his bed across the room.
Kyuhyun’s taken aback by her words, he never saw her being this honest, not even when she got drunk on the beach. “Noona, are you drunk already?”
“No, I’m not—beers don’t affect me. I bet you, I’ll remember all these nonsense tomorrow and I’ll sink my face into my pillow to hide myself from embarrassment. But I’m saying what’s in my mind anyway so just let me be. I need to get this out of my system.”
He nods and silently takes the empty bottle she’s holding.
“I’m tired Kyu, I’m tired to keep this up with me.” Her eyes begin to water one more time. “Even when we kissed, all I could remember was my guilt towards him despite how much I enjoyed it, as if I’m cheating on him for some reasons while truthfully I’m not! It doesn’t count as cheating if he’s.. if he’s gone.” She takes some deep breaths before she continues.
“I’m tired of thinking whether it’s appropriate for me to go on with my life after he did what he’s done to saved mine, I’m sick of imagining what he and I could’ve have if that incident never happened—while at the same time knowing it’ll never happened because he’s dead, I’m exhausted keeping him alive in my own memory and I want to move on from this suffocating feeling in my heart.” Her tears fall down.
He moves closer to her to softly pats her shoulder and fighting his own urge to hug her again.
“I want to move on Kyu, I do, I’m dying to! I mean frankly that’s the whole point why I’m still breathing here and knowing him, I know he’d want me to be happy instead of drowning in my own despair. But why is it so hard for me to do so?” She crosses her arms in front on her chest as if she’s trying to hug herself, “Why do I feel like I’m a cruel person if I do that?”
“And do you know what makes it worse? I’m swayed by your charm only several months after he’s gone. If that doesn’t make me sound like a bitch then I don’t know what is. I want you! I want you badly I can’t even look at your face after we kissed. I want to have longer time to spend together with you that I took longer time to revise your works. Even tonight I want to spend more time with you, I used the farewell dinner as an excuse to see you outside the campus. How could I quickly have enchanted by another man, while the ground of his burial is not even dried yet?!” She covers her face with her palms and begins to pull her hairs from the side. “I’M TOO CRUEL AREN’T I?”
He can’t take it anymore. Cha Eungi has kept all these thought in her head and today is the day she explodes. She just told him how much she secretly wants him all these time as much as he wants her and how frustrated she is with the guilt she created herself.
Kyuhyun moves next to her to takes her hand that she’s using to pull her own hair down then slowly takes her back into his embrace while carefully lifting her whole body to place it on his lap so he can hold her even tighter. He lets her throw all of her sadness and frustration into him as she cries harder. Now he understands why she’s always keeping this distance between them even when he’s certain that she enjoys spending time with him. It’s not because she can’t forget Siwon nor because Kyuhyun worth less than her man, Cha Eungi is still indebted and she let that guilt controls her life.
“I’ll be cruel to you too if I let you embrace me like this while I’m crying for another man.” She adds in between her sobs, “Oh my God, what kind of person have I become? I’m so sorry Kyu, I didn’t mean to be this harsh.”
He wraps her closer as he continuously kisses her on her head. “It’s okay noona, it’s okay. Pour it all on me and we can start fresh tomorrow, ne?”
Eungi gives up, she curls herself more to snuck her body comfortably into his while she’s hiding her face in the nook of his neck before she cries like she never did before. It feels so right to be in his arms and she has make up her mind, she came knocking on his door tonight to get her closure—closure to her deceased fiancé, her prepared speech in the cab was all about her begging Kyuhyun to stay by her side and about how she wishes she can start anew. She just wishes she’s not too late to ask for this.
It’s only an hour later Eungi manages to really calm herself down and talks sense again. She still leans on his shoulder while enjoying the scent of his that she secretly loves—despite how she used to mock him about it, sinking her face deeper to find the comfort that she needs.
“I wet your shirt with my tears kyu.” She slowly runs her fingers to the puddle of her tears that remains in his shirt.
He doesn’t answer but kisses her forehead instead while his finger erases the last tears that still lingers on her face.
“Will you be mad if I ask you to hug me longer?”
He tightens his embrace around her and shakes his head. “I can do this all night.”
Eungi lifts her head from his shoulders then pushes herself away from him a little bit so she can see his face. She feels like somebody squeezes her heart once she sees the dark shadow on his face, it’s her battle to fight to, why does he has to suffer with her?
“I don’t want to see you looking like this because of me.” She runs her hand to his hair.
He forces his smile, “I don’t want to see you like this also, but we don’t have another choice. I really wish I can help to pull you out of this mess, but I can’t do that unless you help yourself first.”
Eungi nods, “I know and I’m dying to escape from this state I’m in.” She leans back onto him. “How selfish will I be if I ask you to help me?”
“How?” His mind wanders again to the footage of the massacre he seen earlier this night, “I still feel so worthless in your eyes, noona.”
She slides a little bit from his lap so her body can really turns to face his while his hand still supporting her back, “How come?”
“I can never do what he’s done.” He avoids her gaze in order to controls himself.
Eungi cups his face and forces him to look at her in the eyes, “I’ll kill you with my bare hands if you do what he done for me.” Another tear falls down from her eyes, “What makes you think that’s what I need? It won’t matter how long I live if I go through it all alone, Kyu.”
He lifts his hand caress her back, “So what do you need?”
“Exactly what you already gave me.” She places her palm on his nape and slowly pulls his face towards hers, “Be with me and stay alive.” Eungi finally brace herself to do the thing she’s so afraid to do as she shyly places her lips on his.
Having her in his arm tonight probably is the greatest blessing he has in his life so far. Eungi has thrown her pride away and she just asked him to stay by her side—and the man is obviously over the moon right now. Still in his sofa, now Eungi sits next to him, with her head leaning on his shoulder and arms wraps around his waist. His hands caress her back softly and he can’t stop leaving little kisses on the top of her head to show how thankful he is.
“Noona, how are you feeling now?” He whispers softly, afraid to interrupt her daydream.
“A lot better.” She tightens her hug around him as she buries her face deeper into the curve of his neck. “I can’t believe I’m actually falling for you.”
“That must not be the first statement of it you ever heard in your life.” She replies cynically, hating her own mushiness in front of him right now.
“Not the first,” he admits, “But the only confession that matters to me.”
She lifts her head to take a peek into his expression. Eungi would thought that Kyuhyun will show the smug face of his, or his winning smile, but the only traces she can find is the sincerity in his eyes.
“What? What are you looking at?” Kyuhyun pinches her nose, “Is it the first time you see me being this soft?”
Eungi nods with a smile, “Because from what I heard, you’re the king of being cold and witty.”
“So you asked around about me?” He giggles, somehow feeling happier with this fact.
Eungi hides her face back into his neck, “Words travels, that’s all I know.”
“Thank you, noona.”
“Thank you, because you chose to see beyond all those bad reputations.” He plants another kiss on her head. “Never in my life I feel so blessed to meet somebody the way I met you. Also, I never felt like I have this value in anyone’s eyes before—you lifted my spirit in a very good way and I’m thankful for that.”
“Do you know why I chose to believe in you?” Eungi mumbles.
“Tell me, we have all night to talk about us.” he grins, a new concept of ‘us’ has really lightened his mood.
Eungi moves away from his warm embrace to sit up straight next to him, she runs her hand along his hair while her thumb caressing his face. “I see myself in you.”
“Is that a good thing?”
She lifts both of her shoulders, “I don’t know, we’ll figure that out one day. What I know is that we both aren’t much different. We struggle with ourselves, we both insecure with our roles in society, we both hate being looked down and we tried our best to prove ourselves. I found the right way because I didn’t dare to be a rebel like you are, but your way took a little detour. I’d like to believe that my faith in you will be enough to make you shine.”
The man now just smiles coyly while biting his lips.
“Did I say anything wrong?”
Kyuhyun shakes his head, “I always like it when you praise me, makes me feel like I worth something.”
Eungi braces herself to moves closer as she softly pecks him on his cheek. “You worth everything, Kyu. Don’t ever think any less than that, ng? I hate to see you looking down at yourself so much.”
“Because everyone seems to think less of me.”
“Because you gave them the right reasons to do that.” She answers quickly.
Kyuhyun shifts his seat, moving closer to the woman next to him, taking his time to study her face. This woman in his arms always manage to make him feel small yet grand, she always knew how to say the right words to make him strive to do better, and he always feels welcome in her presence just by staring into the warm comforting look she has in her eyes.
“Noona, if one day I go astray from this right path I’m trying to walk on, please don’t turn your back on me. Correct me and guide me still.” Kyuhyun doesn’t understand himself when he states this.
Eungi nods, “I promise, Kyu. I promise to trust you first.”
“I promise to do my best, noona. I want to be the man that worth to be by your side.” He lowers his face to leans into hers as he softly kisses her lips.
Eungi closes her eyes and takes his sincerity to her heart. She’s so happy right now, despite the mourning the just had earlier, Kyuhyun had managed to make Eungi feels safer. His embrace speaks louder than words and this overwhelming happiness has brought another teary eyes for her.
She replies his kisses quick before she pulls herself back from him a little bit, she chooses to glue their foreheads together instead. “Kyu, I’m afraid.” She admits.
“What you’re afraid of?”
“I’m too happy right now, I’m afraid it’ll be taken away from me again.” She whispers softly as a tear makes its way down her cheek.
Kyuhyun patiently wipes her trace of tears and tries to gives his best comforting smile. “Are you afraid that I’ll just be here temporally?”
She nods. “These past two weeks has been the loneliest week for me, I hate to admit that I miss your wit around, I miss your presence, I miss this face of yours that constantly mocking me, yet looking at me with the warmest look. Before it’s too late, you’d better run away now if you want. Because I don’t know what will happen to me if you leave once I’m completely depends on you.”
“Hey, that’s exactly what I want.” He replies, “Not to leave you, I mean. I want you to depend on me, I want you to only look at me now, ng? I still have a long way to go, but I’ll try to do my best. Remember my text for you tonight? I meant it.”
Eungi chuckles, “Do you know what’s funny? That text you sent tonight made me feel like you just broke up with me.”
“How can we broke up if we’re never even an item.” He replies with thick sarcasm.
“I know, that’s why it’s funny what I felt.” Eungi leans over him and wraps her arms to hug him for more. “I guess, I’m too comfortable with you being around, I forget to notice about us being us.”
Kyuhyun now wraps his arms around her also, hugging her as if he doesn’t want to let go. “So, ‘us’ exists?”
“Don’t be silly, Kyu.” Eungi mumbles from his shoulder, “It exists long before tonight. Sorry I took a long time to realize this.”
He can no longer hold his wide grin on his face now, “Noona, can you hear my heartbeat now?”
Eungi moves he head closer to the left side of his chest, enjoying the fast beating thud even clearer, “To tell you the truth, my heart is beating in the same tempo right now.”
“Let me make it clear for you.” He pats her back as his other hand caresses her hair. “It’s my first time. to have this messy upside down feeling over one particular woman that I adore so much. So please be kind with my heart, ne?”
Eungi nods. “Mine is also mending now, please be patient to wait for it to heal completely.”
“I’ll give you all the time in the world.”